Amazing Love

I've known love for a long time. I have loved God since I can remember and am blessed to have an incredible family and friends that I love so much.  I experienced a new kind of love in spring of 2008 when I fell in love with my husband and that love deepens with each day that passes.  

However, at 5:32 PM on Thursday, June 28, I experienced a kind of love I've never known.  It was at that moment that a completely new part of my heart opened up. It was the moment I finally got to meet my son.

At around 1:45 on Wednesday, June 27th, I stood up from my desk and felt a small gush of fluid. It was a strange feeling and I honestly had to convince myself I hadn't had an accident on myself (ha).  The trickles continued for 30 minutes, so I called the doctor and left work immediately. The doctor confirmed that my water had broken, so I was immediately admitted to the hospital. 

The next few minutes were a whirlwind.  I had one nurse checking me in, another getting my bed and gown ready and yet another starting my IV and drawing blood.  As nervous as I had been about giving birth, I was sitting on the bed with a huge smile on my face and laughing with the nurses when Clay came in.  Our dream of becoming parents was finally becoming a reality and the thought of seeing my precious little boy overruled any fear or anxiety I had.

Because my water had broken, I was forced to stay in the bed to prevent infection.  I was already 3 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced on arrival, and they expected me to start contracting on my own through the night. I had a few erratic contractions throughout that sleepless night, but they weren't measurable or becoming regular, so the nurse added Pitocin to my IV at 6:00 AM.

By 7:00, I was having fairly intense contractions that were 2 minutes apart. They really began hurting at 7:30 and by 7:45, were enough to make me forget to breathe. Our nurse, Rhonda, sent everyone to the waiting room to check dilation and to give me a few minutes to relax. I was already at 5 cm and was insistent on holding out for the epidural until 7 cm... until one big contraction sent me over the edge.

I began involuntarily shaking and couldn't control it.  Even feeding myself ice chips was impossible, so Clay had to spoon them into my mouth. I don't know what caused it, but the nurse said it was a natural reaction to being in labor.  I'm glad to hear that- I thought I was just being a weenie. :)

I got the epidural at 9:15, when I was 6 cm dilated. I began to feel relief quickly.  I could no longer move the left side of my body, but after 3 contractions, noticed I was still having pain in a localized area on my right side. It intensified with each contraction and one even made me cry. I could still move my right leg, a sure sign that the epidural was not working.  The anesthesiologist gave me an additional dose of meds and they rolled me to the right to get the meds to move, but it didn't work. I had to have the epidural removed and reinserted. Thirty seconds later, I was numb from the waist down and the involuntary shaking stopped.

The next few hours seemed to last an eternity.  I wasn't feeling any pain, but my legs tingled.  I made a game out of trying to move my legs, but lost every time.  No matter how hard I tried, I had no control of anything below the belt.  Clay had to move my legs for me when the tingling got too intense and once when he moved me, I discovered the reason behind the tingle.  Thanks to the epidural, my feet and legs were retaining water and looked like I weighed 400 pounds.  

Finally, at 2:40 PM, I was at 10 cm and Bryson was ready to be born!

I started pushing at 3:00 PM.  My contractions were strong and the nurse said we'd push through them so the combination of the force of the contraction and pushing would move him down.  The first push was an experience I can't describe.  I had waited so long for this moment, but I was so unsure of what I was doing.  It was suddenly very real that I was about to give birth, something I have feared my entire life. Enter involuntary shaking... (Maybe I am just a weenie) I began to make real progress after roughly an hour of pushing, but little man was stubborn (imagine that) and was moving slowly.  I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and when I heard the nurse tell a person over speaker that my progress was slow, I wanted to cry.  

At 5:10, my doctor came in to check on me and could see Bryson's head was only a 1/2 inch away, but he had turned it to the right.  He gave me two options: use the forceps or go in for a c-section.  I elected to have him use the forceps.  He told me we had one shot- if the forceps didn't work with the next set of pushes, we would be going in for a c-section. I immediately began praying that God would push this baby out!

A few minutes later, the drapes were set up around me and my doctor was preparing me to push one last time.  It was then that my contractions decided to calm down... of course.  Finally, a contraction began and I pushed once and Bryson's head was out.  His body followed very quickly without any help from me. Actually delivering him was nowhere near as scary as I'd expected.  I didn't feel any pain, but did feel the pressure of his head.  Knowing he was out was a surreal, indescribable feeling. Relief flooded my body and I screamed, then began crying uncontrollably. I had done it- I made it through labor and my little boy had finally entered the world.

At 5:32, I heard his first cry and my pink and purple little boy was laid on my chest.  

There was a scurry of activity in the next few minutes.  As I was being tended to, Bryson was weighed and measured.  He weighed in a 7 pounds 12.7 ounces and was 21.25 inches long.

After he was cleaned up, the nurses handed Bryson over to his daddy.  Clay couldn't take his eyes off of Bryson and stared at him in awe.  Watching my husband with our son may have been the most precious moment of the day.

Clay and I got a few minutes alone with our little guy before anyone came in.  Those first few moments as a family of 3 will be forever etched in my mind.  

After awhile, our family was allowed in to meet our precious little man. We spent most of the night surrounded by family and friends. At around 8:30, we were finally alone with Bryson for the first time. It was awesome to have our little family together and just enjoy time with this little guy we had waited so long for.  

Around 9:00 that night, a nurse came in to tell us that because Bryson had a fever of 100.6 and had grunted a little right after birth, they were going to do some precautionary tests. Within the hour, we learned that he had a pneumothorax, or a collapsed lung.  Hearing the news sent us into a tailspin!  The neonatalogist came to our room to explain the situation.  It's a fairly common condition, but Bryson's was pretty large.  To someone who isn't in the medical field, especially new parents, hearing something like that is awful.  Although the doctor did a terrible job explaining and made us think the worse, a pneumothorax isn't a huge deal. It is just a pocket of air next to the lung that prevents the lung from expanding as far as it should.  It can typically be resolved with a round of antibiotics.

They took him to the NICU immediately and hooked him up to all kinds of machines, one of which measured his blood oxygen. It was at 100%, so the pneumothorax was not affecting his breathing. They hooked him up to an IV and gave him antibiotics. 

The following morning, we got to the NICU early.  In addition to finding out the pneumothorax had improved, we also learned that Bryson's white blood cell count was elevated, signifying an infection. The doctor, who has a reputation for being very conservative, informed us that he would be doing a spinal tap to rule out meningitis, even though he was already certain that wasn't the cause. As expected, the results indicated that Bryson didn't have meningitis. 

Twenty-four hours later, on Saturday morning, his white blood cell count was normal and the pneumothorax had improved even more.  The doctor informed us he would no longer be testing his blood and wouldn't do another chest x-ray until Monday morning.  

I was discharged from the hospital on Saturday evening. That morning, I awoke before Clay and cried until he woke up... then cried some more. We had been looking forward to bringing our little guy into the world and taking him home to meet his fur sisters for so long and now we were facing going home without him. To know we were leaving without him broke my heart. Leaving him in the hospital that first night was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Until Saturday night, we had only told a few people what was going on, but because people were planning to visit when we got home, we decided to post about Bryson's condition on Facebook.  The responses we received were overwhelming. Wall comments, Facebook messages, phone calls and text messages began pouring in.  With so many people praying for our little man, we had no doubt that Monday's chest x-ray would reveal a completely healthy lung.

On Monday, three days after his birth, the pneumothorax was gone.  Praise God!  If antibiotics wouldn't have worked, a needle or chest tube would have been inserted in his chest.  I'll take antibiotics to the alternative any day! 

It is now Thursday, July 5 and we are still in the NICU.  Although the pneumothorax is gone and his white blood cell counts are normal, little man has to receive a 10-day cycle of antibiotics.  We spend 11-12 hours a day at the hospital.  He is in a crib and is only hooked up to machines for 20-30 minutes a day when he gets antibiotics, so we spend the day holding him and watching him sleep, feeding him, changing diapers and taking hundreds of pictures.  Leaving him at night has gotten easier, only because we know now that he is healthy and in good hands, but it's still so hard to enjoy being home when he is stuck in a stark white hospital room.

In his first week of life, Bryson has had 4 chest x-rays, a spinal tap and a number of IV ports.   He has been hooked up to a pulse oximeter and various sensors since he was 5-hours-old.  He currently has an antibiotic catheter port on the right side of his head. He's handled everything like a champ. While it's been incredibly difficult to see this little boy we love so dearly go through so much in his first week of life, it's a relief to know that he is completely healthy.

The last week has been trying and we've ridden a roller coaster of emotion, but it has been the best week of my life.  Not only did I finally get to meet the newest love of my life, but I have also seen God work through Him.  I have spent countless hours of quality time with my two favorite men and we have been blessed by so many friends and family.


On Saturday night, Clay and I will stay in a suite at the hospital and will finally get to spend the first night with our son.  We will bring him home on Sunday, July 8 and will finally get to begin our lives as a family of 5.  


I have taken my time with writing this, partially to ensure its accuracy, but also to reflect on the last 7 days.  While Bryson's first few days of life were not what we had planned, God has turned this test into a testimony.  Since we learned that Bryson was on his way, God has been faithful and has shown Himself to us on so many occasions.  The last week has been no exception and I am so grateful that He has been with us every step of the way.


Clay has always been a great husband and I have known for a long time that he would be an incredible dad, but this week, he's been tested and has passed with flying colors.  From the delivery room, to the NICU, to our babyless nights at home, he has been my rock.  He's been strong when I needed him to be and is soft and gentle with our son.  He's held my hand to comfort me, both through tremendous physical discomfort and incredible emotional distress.  He's helped me with the gross parts of labor and recovery without batting an eye and has taken care of me through all my pain and general ickiness.  I am so blessed to have him as my partner in parenthood and in life.


Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Bryson Reed..........

 

Our Fairytale: The Engagment

Clay and I began discussing marriage again in July 2010. The discussions heated up when he brought up the idea of looking at rings so he would clearly understand my taste. While I would have loved whatever he got, I'm so glad he wanted my input. His idea of the perfect ring is slightly different from mine.

I waited 5 excruciating months for the big day to arrive.

In the week leading up to Christmas, Clay prohibited me from getting in his truck. He used the excuse that unwrapped gifts were inside. Little did I know that a much bigger surprise was waiting!

On Christmas Eve, we were preparing to leave for family Christmas festivities. We had the food, gifts and dogs in the car, ready to go. When I got in the car, he told me to stay there. He closed the garage door, leaving me and our dogs in the dark garage. I could hear his truck door close and the front door open; I thought he was moving gifts inside.

He opened the door leading from the house to the garage and motioned for me to get out. When I asked why, he said he wanted to give me a Christmas present early. He handed me a gift bag that contained soft peppermint candy and a note. The note told me to go to his truck for my next clue. Another gift bag sat in the driver side floorboard. Along with coconut bon-bons and his ski mask was another note instructing me to put the mask on as a blindfold and he would lead me to the next clue.

He led me inside and positioned me beside the Christmas tree. He left me for a moment and turned on Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You." When I took off the blindfold, he had turned all the Christmas lights on and told me that my gift was on the tree.

After a few seconds of searching, I noticed two silver ornaments with writing on them. I looked at them thinking he had decorated ornaments for us. I picked one up and read the words he had written in blue craft paint. "Will you marry me?" The other ornament said "All I want for Christmas is you." He got down on one knee and said the most beautiful words he has ever spoken to me. I listened to his words through sniffles, snorts, giggles and the occasional gasp of breath. He began with the explanation that Love was born on Christmas (meaning Jesus Christ) and he thought it was only appropriate that our love take the next step at Christmas. After telling me how much he loved me and the reasons he chose me, he actually asked the big question. He began by saying he knew it was impossible for a human being to love the way Jesus did, but that he wanted to spend his life trying to love me the way Jesus loves His bride, the church. How could any woman refuse that?

Through my [many, many, many] tears, I answered "Of course I will" when he asked me to be his bride.

Note regarding picture above: the paint was still wet when I handed the ornaments back to him so he could put the ring on my finger. The ornament landed on the tree skirt, where Bailey had made a pallet. I think the hair just adds character. :)

Our Fairytale: Part 3

As previously mentioned, the Disney/Pixar movie "Up" is an integral part of our story. It's this little twist that I believe shows just how funny God is.

Every year, my church, Church of the Highlands, integrates a widely popular series. Thousands of visitors darken our doorways and hundreds turn to Christ throughout the series. Basically, during the "At the Movies" series, Pastor Chris Hodges turns a secular movie into a message.

I still had not seen "Up" when it was showcased at COTH. When the movie selection was revealed, Clay reminded me that the main female character reminded him of me. In the first scene, Ellie removes her adventure hat and wiry, frizzy hair pops out. I looked at him in disbelief, thinking he was thinking of the awful odd way my naturally curly hair looks before it's straightened.

As little Ellie continued to spout off then states, "You're quiet; I like you," I begin to see the similarity. :)

*****BEWARE: SPOILERS AHEAD*****
The scene continues through the lives of the two characters. Carl and Ellie get married, buy and fix up a house, work, get pregnant and lose the baby. All the while, their focus is on a great adventure to Paradise Falls. Because of the bumps along the road of life, Carl & Ellie grow old without making the trip.
When Ellie passed away, the tears began to fall freely down my face. It's then that Clay decided to reveal why Ellie's character brought me to mind all those months ago. As he watched the beginning of Carl and Ellie's relationship, then their marriage and all the things that come with it, he realized no one could fill the Ellie role but me. He had been watching the movie with a girl he dated during our break and decided the relationship needed to end before the credit begin to roll. When I was able to regain a semblance of composure, he told me he knew the movie showing at church was God's way to revealing to him that he was right where He wanted him to be- with me.

*pause* Must. Regain. Composure.

Ok, I'm back.

As you can well imagine, I was a basketcase throughout the service. Thinking back on that day makes my heart flutter... and I chuckle every time. Clay and I fought hard for a year to make our relationship work. Over 14 months, our hearts had hardened to prevent further abuse and any trust we had was long gone. All it took for God to break through the hard exterior was a cartoon movie!

Until that moment, we hadn't had a healthy relationship, but until then, we hadn't been genuine in asking God to be a part of it. That day, we discussed where we had been and where we were going- all 3 of us.

Our past hadn't been the type of relationship I had always dreamed of and the road we traveled was FULL of bumps, but the bruises taught us so much. Because of the [many] arguments and all-out fights, we learned how to rationally discuss those things that we don't see eye to eye on. We have learned to talk things out instead of either flying off the handle or bottling things up. We have learned the requirements of a relationship and how to respect the other. Above all else, we've learned the type of relationship we want isn't possible without the Center.

Our Fairytale: Part 2

Summer 2008 with Liz and Will, our niece and nephew
As I mentioned Monday I am using my blog to chronicle my relationship with Clay from the beginning. I'm a romantic and love to hear the story of a couple. I wish I knew more about how my grandparents met and the things they did and felt in the beginning of their relationships, the fun dates they went on... and the not-so-fun bumps in the road. Being the packrat sap I am, I fully intend to turn this into a book or something to give our kids.


Iron Bowl/Thanksgiving 2008 with the nephews and niece
Clay and I have discussed, in length, about the things we want our kids to learn. It wasn't until I started this series that I considered one more lesson. As a girl, I grew up on Disney movies and thought love meant finding a handsome man with a chiseled jaw and riding off into the sunset, completely happy and head-over-heels, to a perfect life. I'm blessed because I do have a handsome prince with a chiseled jaw, but Disney totally lied! Marriage and even dating relationships are not perfect. Somewhere in that "happily ever after," you encounter arguments, petty disagreements and life's ugly twists and turns. You experience immaturity, both in your spouse (or boyfriend) and yourself.

I want our children to believe in a "happily ever after." In Jeremiah 29:11, God promises that His Plan is to give us all a hope and a future, so yes, I believe He wants that for all of us. I also want my children to understand that "happily ever after" comes with curve balls. Clay and I have already agreed that our children will not see us fight, but I think they should know (at some point, not when they're toddlers or anything) that our relationship has had its share of icky days. I also want them to understand that relationships take work and obstacles can be overcome when two people work together toward one goal.
In July 2008, we were thrown our first curve ball. I won't go into detail, but I'll admit it started with something I did. I was ridiculously immature and wasn't quite ready for a relationship of this magnitude. The next year and a half was an emotional roller coaster: we wanted to be together and forced our relationship to work. When we really tried, we had a lot of good times, but there were times when we were miserable. We broke up and got back together. We fought... and screamed... A LOT. We hurt each other and unfortunately, sometimes it was on purpose. We lost all trust in each other and were suspicious of everything the other person did. It was TERRIBLE.


Christmas 2008
In summer '09, things began to look up. In the fall, they went south again. We eventually broke up that November and I said multiple times I was never dating him again. He pseudo-dated someone else and I went on one date. I decided to spend my time nurturing my relationship with God and believing He had a plan to make this work out for my good.

On New Years Eve, I was planning to move and was at the new apartment with my soon-to-be roomie. Clay and I were texting and he invited me to come out hang out. Since Kelly was asleep on the couch and I had nothing there to spend the night, I went. We talked a lot about nothing in particular. He asked if I had seen the Disney/Pixar movie "Up" and when I replied that I had not, he told me I should watch it because the little girl reminded him of me. Little did I know that the movie had a huge effect on him and would eventually lead to a BIG CHANGE.
I went home that night feeling so confused. Almost immediately, we began texting frequently and within two weeks, were hanging out again. What can I say? I'm a sucker for those baby blues...

Stay tuned for more!

Our Fairytale: The Beginning

Since the purpose of this blog is document our lives together, I thought it would be fun to reminisce over our relationship, from the beginning to current. As some of you know, our fairy tale hasn't always been "happily ever after," but we've had our share of poison apples and evil witches. (Come to think of it, our story also includes a few short men- they just didn't bring diamonds into the picture.)


Clay and I met on March 8, 2008. A few days prior, I saw his picture on a friend's Top 8 on MySpace (While I hate to admit this, I find some comfort in knowing MySpace was cool at the time) and recognized him. We started talking and discovered that we were always in the same building on campus at the University of Alabama. He was in law school getting his Master's in Tax Law. Normally, my Biology studies didn't force me to cross paths with tax nerds business students, but I worked in the Business School.

After talking for a few days, we decided to meet up on Saturday night while we were out. The next day, we hung out solo for the first time. I went to his apartment and we went to the game room at the complex to play pool. Let it be known- I won. I stink at pool but somehow was on my game. While we were walking to the game room, I visualized myself scratching by sending the cue ball flying through the air and hitting him straight in the face. I seriously mentally prepared myself for impending humiliation (because, well, I had experience in this area) and began silently praying that all balls stayed on the table.

Spring Break began on March 16. The friend I had planned to go to the beach with ended up going early, leaving me to drive 5 hours by myself. Clay volunteered to ride down with me since he and his roommates were also going. Five hours in a car with a guy I don't know well? I was nervous as could be. Because I knew he liked Staind, I downloaded a few songs to my iPod, just in case we had an awkward lull in conversation. To my surprise, our conversation flowed freely and we didn't have to rely on "Zoe Jane" to occupy the 300 minutes on the road. We never ran out of things to say and I found that I was completely comfortable with him. We ended up spending the majority of our week with him and his friends and had a blast. The picture above is our first picture together.

We became "Facebook official" on May 4.

Because I know you're sooooo intrigued (web designers, PLEASE design a sarcasm font), I'll be back with more soon.