My Forever Valentine

I'm THAT girl.

You know the one- the child who cooks supper in her plastic kitchen and sets the table for two: herself and her imaginary husband.  The little girl who cradles her baby doll while singing it it sleep and telling her imaginary husband how perfect it is.

I knew at an early age that love was something I wanted.   I often had daydreams of what my adult life would look like.  I pictured the adoring husband, happy kids, loyal dog and white picket fence. I could never see my husband or children's faces, but they were always so beautiful.

Growing up in church, I learned what true love is.  When you first hear the story of Jesus and what He did for us, you know what love is.  When God's sacrifice truly hits home and touches your heart, you know what love is.  When the magnitude of that sacrifice truly touched me for the first time, it changed the way I thought about everything, including my future family.

The older I got, the more mature my fantasies became.  I still imagined my family, but those dreams became more realistic.  One Sunday evening at youth group, we divided into male and female groups and discussed finding the person God made for each of us.  That night, reality hit me like a ton of bricks and my view of my future husband changed completely.

That night, I wrote a letter to my future husband.   I can see it in my mind- purple ink on unlined paper, and well, slanted because who can write on unlined paper??  That night, I began to pray for my future husband- not that God would bring him to me because I knew He would, but that He would protect him in the trying teenager years and would mold him into  the man He intended him to be.  I was only in 7th grade, but had a clear perspective.

A few years later, I kissed dating goodbye.  Reading the book changed my dating life.  Throughout the remainder of my school years, I was very picky about who I dated.  That meant most weekends were spent at home while my friends were at the movies with new guys, but to me, dating just to have something to do wasn't worth it.  I dated sporadically, and at one point, thought briefly that I had found a potential match.  He wasn't who God had in mind.  While that realization hurt at the time, God gently reminded me that His plan is ALWAYS better than mine.  Boy, was he right!

At times, pledging myself to a man that still had no face in my dreams and whose name I didn't know was HARD.  When it got tough, I found myself cuddling up with a [lined] piece of paper and penning another letter.

March 8, 2008 was a day that changed my life, and the day that God showed me His promises are good, even if they seem to take forever to come to fruition.  That's the day I met the man God had created with me in mind, the man who would give me the most beautiful baby boy ever (totally not biased) and who would love me the way God intended me to be loved.

March 17, 2008

I can remember that night in vivid detail.  I was with my friend, Shannon, eating dessert pizza and drinking chocolate martinis (hello, sugar high!).  I walked outside and saw Clay against the rail.  He was in jeans and a dark purple Polo.  I should have noticed his eyes or smile first, but his arms caught my eye immediately.

As I typed that, I felt like God laughed.  He built Clay and put those guns on him for me.  Bwahaha.

Memorial Day 2008

My relationship with Clay blossomed quickly and was always so easy.  Conversation flowed with no awkward pauses and we had a lot in common.  (Too bad football loyalty is not one of them)  He kept me laughing and on my toes. I could let my guard down and just be myself.  He held my hand when we walked beside each other, and his hugs made me feel more secure than any ever had.  I missed him when we weren't together and wanted time with him daily.  Seeing him gave me butterflies, and even a kiss on the forehead left me breathless.  He became my sounding board and a shoulder to lean on.  Even though his Facebook-appointed title was boyfriend, it was far too shallow to describe what he was to me.  He was so much more- he was my best friend.  Within weeks, I knew that He was the one I had been praying so long for.

And then trouble hit.

Less than 5 months in, our relationship turned rocky overnight.  The next 16 months were tough.  We spent days arguing through text and nights fighting in person.  We broke up, got back together, broke up then hung out as "friends."  That always resulted in getting back together and repeating the vicious cycle many times over.  There were hurt feelings, lies, tears, anger, disappointment and distrust on both sides.  Through it all, we both felt like we were supposed to be together, but just could not make it work.  In November 2009, we called it quits for good.

(Yeah right.  Try to tell God you're changing His plan and see how He works.)

For the next month, we barely spoke.  We didn't see each other.  At all.

I jumped into two small groups and immersed myself in God and new friends.  I opened up about our issues to people I could trust so I could get clarity on the situation and to allow my heart to heal.  I specifically remember telling my friend, Amanda, about it.  While I don't remember the words she spoke, I remember the feeling that came over me.  Her words were divinely chosen and breathed new life into me.  A weight was immediately lifted from my shoulders and the hard shell around my heart began to crack and fall off.  When the conversation ended, I felt renewed, which is something I had wanted for so long.

Just two weeks after talking with Amanda, I saw Clay again.  The love I had for him was still there, but I was surprised that none of the other feelings- resentment, anger, distrust, sadness, guilt- were.  We spent the next year rebuilding our relationship.  God confirmed many times what we had known all along- that we were right where we belonged.  He used whatever means necessary to speak to us: friends, family and even movies.  Thinking back, I am so amazed at how quickly God was able to mend us when we just gave up and laid our problems at His feet.  What we couldn't resolve in 16 months took him no time.

In May 2011, I wrote to my future husband one more time.  I bundled it with the letters I had written previously, and on June 4, 2011, he finally got to read them right before I walked down to the aisle to become his wife.





We've been married for over 2.5 years now.  Our lives have changed so much since the day we met.  College classes have been replaced with jobs, and crazy professors with crazy coworkers.  Afternoons at the pool are now spent with floaties and squirt toys.  Date night conversation usually centers around the funny things Bryson did that day and how much we miss him already.  I still set the table for 2, but also pull up a highchair and we arm ourselves against food flying from all directions.  If we stay in for a movie night, it's usually produced by Disney and is interrupted by milk runs and diaper changes.  

Through all the change, a lot has remained the same.  I still get butterflies when I see him, especially when he's playing with our son.  His arms are still the safest place to be.  I miss him when we aren't together and anxiously await the end of the day when we're reunited.  He's still the first person I run to when I need to talk or need help.  Unfortunately, he's also still an Auburn fan.  Above all, he is still my best friend, my soulmate and the answer to hundreds of prayers.

Looking back at the fantasies of my childhood, my life doesn't compare.  I didn't get the things I daydreamed about, wished upon stars for, or the things I prayed about.  I got abundantly more.  Those elaborate childhood fantasies pale in comparison to reality.

Clay, 

I thank God for loving me more than I deserve, and for giving me more than I could have ever imagined.  You are so much more than I could have even asked for- I never would have even been able to dream up someone so perfect for me.  I am so thankful that it's you that God chose to be my partner in life.  We've been through so much already and I'm looking forward to many more years of adventures, firsts, lasts and everything in between.  I love you so much.  U=my<3

The Love of My Life, My Best Friend, My Strudel

I may not win friends when I tell you this, but you're going to hear it anyway.

I have the best husband EVER. I promise you my husband > your husband.

No, I'm not biased. How dare you accuse me of such??

I talk about Clay a lot, both on here and in real life. When we started dating, I'm pretty sure my friends knew every detail about him, including his shoe size. He's pretty awesome, so not talking about him was hard. There's a lot to brag about!

We met on March 8, 2008 and I realized early on there was something different about him. With most guys, I got bored very quickly. This is dreadfully cliche, but I found myself wanting to see him every day and thinking about him when we weren't together.

I have so many awesome memories of those first few months. The first time we hung out alone, we played pool in the game room at his apartment complex. I'm TERRIBLE at the game and warned him of the possibility of flying balls. God must have been on my side because I was knocking them in left and right. Clay was certain he had been hustled.

Our first official date was at a sports grill in Tuscaloosa, Wings. We ate, then went back to his apartment... and graded papers (he was a grad assistant at the time). The whole drive from Wings to his apartment, I was a shaky nervous wreck. We turned on a movie and ended up talking the entire time. He got up to get ice cream and came back with a dixie cup that had so much ice cream in it, it looked like an ice cream cone. I learned quickly that he was lactose intolerant because heat starting coming off his body almost immediately. Still, he loved ice cream and was not giving it up (This all still rings true today. We keep Blue Bell in business).

I still laugh about how movie-like our first kiss was. He put his baseball cap on my head as he was walking to the door to leave my house, then kissed me. I shut the front door behind him and leaned back against it. A huge smile crept across my face, I sighed (probably with a dreamy look on my face) and giggled like a little girl. Tell me that's not chick flick material.

Our first picture together.  Panama City, March 2008

Spring Break began just 8 days after we met. We had both planned to go to Panama City, FL with friends and discussed meeting up. The girl I was going with left early, leaving me to drive 5+ hours by myself. Clay volunteered to ride with me and while I was excited to spend time with him, I was also nervous. Five hours in a car with someone you don't know can get awkward! The time flew by and the conversation never stopped. He was easy to talk to and we had so much in common. We really got acclimated to each other when I got my first speeding ticket in a trip at the Florida line. He still makes fun of me for my attempt to speak to the cop. What? Authority makes me stutter!

A few months into our relationship, he came into my office on campus and told me that he was spending the day at the pool since he was done with classes. Since I had to work, I playfully acted angry that he rubbed it in and said I refused to think about him the rest of the day. A few hours later, a dozen red roses were delivered to my office with a super sweet note that ended with, "Are you thinking about me now?"

When I think back over our relationship, I'm blown away at how things worked out. At a young age, I read the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which changed my prospective on dating. I didn't really date much, but had totally given up when he walked into my life. I had an image of what I needed in a husband and no one I had met fit the bill. I had the typical "tall, dark and handsome" desires, but he also had to fulfill a laundry list of qualities before I would consider a real relationship.

First and foremost, I wanted a man of God, someone who would lead our family with God's direction. I didn't want a Sunday Christian, but someone who had a real, involved relationship with Christ. Because my family is so important to me, I wanted a man whose family was an integral part of his life. I also wanted someone who wanted kids of his own and who would work with me, side-by-side, to provide a good life for our family. While I love football and wanted someone with similar interests, I didn't want a dumb jock type. Intelligence is sexy! A good personality and sense of humor was a must. It was important that he get along with my friends and that his friends reflected his beliefs and respected our relationship.

Considering this is only an abbreviation of a much longer list, it goes without saying that I was picky and refused to settle for less than the best. In marrying Clay, I definitely got the best... and the tall, dark and handsome.

The road to our marriage was rocky, as previously mentioned, but prepared us well for these new journeys we're embarking on together: marriage and parenthood. I am so grateful that God chose Clay for me and built him into the man he is with me in mind. I had so many fantasies of what a perfect man would look like, inside and out. Little did I know God had a man for me that would blow those fantasies out of the water!

The first time he met my family, it was SO HOT outside.  My grandmother
sprayed all the girls down with a water hose.  Clay was too dry.

Our first formal event, the Sinatra Soiree in February 2009.

Far More Valuable Than Diamonds

As a woman, there is a lot of pressure: to be desirable, you have to have the toned legs and belly of an airbrushed runway model; to succeed in the workplace, you must overcome your gender and claw your way up the corporate ladder; to succeed as a mother, your children must have good manners and earn good grades; to be a good wife, you have to don your apron and make June Cleaver look like a scrub!

While I don't feel a part of my purpose is to crawl up the corporate ladder, I know part of it is to be a good wife... and I have moments where I feel like I'm not living up to potential. I have been in the pressure cooker lately and at times, I feel like my head may explode.

I am one of those weird people who has a precise spot for everything and can tell, down to the millimeter, if something's been moved. I detest clutter and am thrilled by a freshly organized cabinet. I grew up in a household that boasted squeaky clean baseboards and remote controls wrapped in Ziploc bags (yes, I'm serious). While I'm not THAT bad, very little makes me happier than going to bed on crisp, clean sheets in a freshly cleaned home.

With that being said, I married a man who is fine with leaving soiled plates on the counter for days and whose idea of organizing is leaving his shoes in one place on the floor and towels in another. Needless to say, keeping our home maintained in a fashion I find suitable is difficult. I don't need a spotless house, but I do want it to be presentable. I have really had to learn to chill out my OCD tendencies.

Last week, I came home in an extremely foul mood. I'm surprised that no living being turned to stone when my eyes locked on their's. When I got home, the kitchen sink was overflowing with dishes and there were 2 plates and a cup on the island. This was perplexing since the kitchen had been clean when I left 12 hours earlier. I begrudgingly unloaded the dishwasher and instead of unloading on anyone (even those without opposable thumbs), the silverware really got a talking to.

After venting to the salad forks, I calmed down a little and began a nice conversation with a teapot. Ok, I'm kidding about that, but I did talk to myself and God.



Like everyone reading, I have a lot going on. Along with being a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a friend and a puppy mommy, I work full time and run an Etsy shop on the side. I try to take care of myself to control Fibromyalgia symptoms and to look good for my husband. All of this combined makes for one very stressed little girl that watches the clock like a hawk.

It was through the clatter of stainless steel that I had an epiphany and was reminded of the picture of the ideal wife.

"A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treat him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons...First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor... When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise." Proverbs 31

I believe women are meant to be busy. God granted us with the assets we possess so we can take care of our husbands and family, keep a home running efficiently (and cleanly) and work where necessary to benefit our families. Although the woman described in Proverbs 31, the ideal wife, was busy, she carried out her tasks with grace and was praised for her hard work and positive attitude.

Through my time at the sink, I began to wonder how in the world I would ever learn to balance the busyness of my life? How does someone like me learn to deal with coming home to find a once spotless home covered with crusty dishes and piles of clothes?

I could organize every inch of my house, manage my time with the precision of a football coach (well, just not Les Miles), and clear my schedule of extracurricular activities, but I believe the answer is much more simple. If God gave me the assets to run a home and a family, doesn't it make sense that He would be the one to ask how to use them? The only answer I see is to seek advice and wisdom from the One who made me capable of fitting into the mold of a Proverbs 31 wife.



I'm a new wife and learning to jive my life with another is something I've never had to do. Until June 4, my life was MY life. Now, my life is OUR life. Without God at the center of our marriage, I will undoubtedly feel the heat of that pressure cooker, but with God at the helm, our marriage is built on a Rock and dirty dishes and life's unexpected bumps are already taken care of. We just have to ask. God is for us, even if we're a bit OCD or slobs messy and only He can bring those two idiosyncrasies together in complete harmony.

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeing, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Edit: P.S. I would like to add that I once told Clay to run some water on plates and bowls and I would load the dishwasher, thus some of the mess. I told him that the growing pile of dry plates, both in and out of the sink, and skillets bothered me. We came up with a plan together and voila! Crisis diverted. Marriage is a give and take. He does a great job of meeting me halfway and for that, I am grateful. He looks past my OCD ways and loves me all the same!

Guilt by Association

When Clay and I began talking about marriage, we had a few talking points to hash out. Being a CPA, his biggest concern was finances. Being a woman, mine was parenting. After preliminary talks, we determined we were on the same page and off to the chapel we went!

Now that we're married and the prospect of children is much more real, we've been discussing this in more detail. (No, we're not trying for that grandbaby, Mom) Unless you count our furbabies, Bailey and Jenna (which I typically do), we have never been parents before. The thought is daunting. My every action can potentially influence another life. I don't even like to choose a restaurant- how can I steer a child's life?

During our wedding, Clay and I took communion together and he prayed for us. Included in that prayer was a request to mold us into the people we need to be for our future children. Since then, I have been praying for the same thing. Not only do I need to learn to be unselfish, but I need to know how to raise a vulnerable little child. What do I do if a bully is harassing my child? I want him/her to learn from the experience but really want to just beat the bully down. How do I keep my child away from sex, drugs and cigarettes? Neither of us smokes and we don't really drink but kids learn about these things at a younger age now.

Thinking back, my mom always had the answers for everything I encountered. When I was younger, her famous catchphrase “guilty by association” drove me insane. Now that I’m older (but young looking) and wiser, I know she was right. That lesson about choosing friends wisely stuck and her catchphrase still rings in my ears in certain situations.

Last night, while I was thinking about the phrase and realized that my mom is not really a genius (at least in this instance), but that she cheated with all these lessons. :) Every single lesson we learn in life is in the Good Book.

For instance, the Bible is abundantly clear about choosing friends wisely. "Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.'" (1 Corinthians 15:33 ) "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise; but the companion of fools will suffer harm." (Proverbs 13:20) "The righteous shall choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray." (Proverbs 12:26)

How do I deal with a punk child bullying my child? “You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.” (Leviticus 19:18) “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy but I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in Heaven.’” (Matthew 5:43-44) What was mom’s catchphrase for this? “Kill them with kindness.” This is the ol’ “you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar” approach.

As all parents do, Clay and I will encounter situations we don’t know how to deal with. Or worse, situations that our flesh wants to take over. How do we handle those? If we can't approach each and every situation he/she will encounter, how do we equip him/her to handle them? That's easy. We open the pages of a familiar, timeless best-seller and learn from our Creator. We follow His path for if you “train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

Becoming Wifey

On June 4, I FINALLY married the love of my life. Sometime in my early adolescence, I read Joshua Harris' book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. The premise of the book was to wait on God's timing for your spouse. I took its lesson to heart and while I casually dated on occasion, I spent more than my share of Saturday nights alone. It got lonely at times but seeing Clay's face when the doors opened and I begin my descent down the aisle toward him made it all worth it.

I am not a believer in fate as the world defines it. I am a believer in God and His Plan. Because He knows the number of hairs on my head and He cares about the smallest details of my life, I believe He orchestrated our unity. It didn't begin on March 8, 2008 when Clay entered my life, but well before that. As God began to form my body inside my mother's womb in December 1982, He had Clay in mind. I am so thankful He considered me while creating Clay. Among many other things for which I am grateful, He instilled in Clay a work ethic to provide for our family and a sense of humor that keeps me laughing.

While waiting on His Plan is not always easy, God has a soft, subtle way of reminding me that His Plan is always worth waiting for and I'm so glad I listened.

"Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:16)