Oops, we did it again!

Hey there, blog land.  It's been a while since I've posted anything.  I've written a
few posts and never published, or decided to keep them private, but I'm back.... and for good reason!

WE DID IT AGAIN!

Baby #2 is ready to make his/her appearance in December! 

Amazing Love

I've known love for a long time. I have loved God since I can remember and am blessed to have an incredible family and friends that I love so much.  I experienced a new kind of love in spring of 2008 when I fell in love with my husband and that love deepens with each day that passes.  

However, at 5:32 PM on Thursday, June 28, I experienced a kind of love I've never known.  It was at that moment that a completely new part of my heart opened up. It was the moment I finally got to meet my son.

At around 1:45 on Wednesday, June 27th, I stood up from my desk and felt a small gush of fluid. It was a strange feeling and I honestly had to convince myself I hadn't had an accident on myself (ha).  The trickles continued for 30 minutes, so I called the doctor and left work immediately. The doctor confirmed that my water had broken, so I was immediately admitted to the hospital. 

The next few minutes were a whirlwind.  I had one nurse checking me in, another getting my bed and gown ready and yet another starting my IV and drawing blood.  As nervous as I had been about giving birth, I was sitting on the bed with a huge smile on my face and laughing with the nurses when Clay came in.  Our dream of becoming parents was finally becoming a reality and the thought of seeing my precious little boy overruled any fear or anxiety I had.

Because my water had broken, I was forced to stay in the bed to prevent infection.  I was already 3 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced on arrival, and they expected me to start contracting on my own through the night. I had a few erratic contractions throughout that sleepless night, but they weren't measurable or becoming regular, so the nurse added Pitocin to my IV at 6:00 AM.

By 7:00, I was having fairly intense contractions that were 2 minutes apart. They really began hurting at 7:30 and by 7:45, were enough to make me forget to breathe. Our nurse, Rhonda, sent everyone to the waiting room to check dilation and to give me a few minutes to relax. I was already at 5 cm and was insistent on holding out for the epidural until 7 cm... until one big contraction sent me over the edge.

I began involuntarily shaking and couldn't control it.  Even feeding myself ice chips was impossible, so Clay had to spoon them into my mouth. I don't know what caused it, but the nurse said it was a natural reaction to being in labor.  I'm glad to hear that- I thought I was just being a weenie. :)

I got the epidural at 9:15, when I was 6 cm dilated. I began to feel relief quickly.  I could no longer move the left side of my body, but after 3 contractions, noticed I was still having pain in a localized area on my right side. It intensified with each contraction and one even made me cry. I could still move my right leg, a sure sign that the epidural was not working.  The anesthesiologist gave me an additional dose of meds and they rolled me to the right to get the meds to move, but it didn't work. I had to have the epidural removed and reinserted. Thirty seconds later, I was numb from the waist down and the involuntary shaking stopped.

The next few hours seemed to last an eternity.  I wasn't feeling any pain, but my legs tingled.  I made a game out of trying to move my legs, but lost every time.  No matter how hard I tried, I had no control of anything below the belt.  Clay had to move my legs for me when the tingling got too intense and once when he moved me, I discovered the reason behind the tingle.  Thanks to the epidural, my feet and legs were retaining water and looked like I weighed 400 pounds.  

Finally, at 2:40 PM, I was at 10 cm and Bryson was ready to be born!

I started pushing at 3:00 PM.  My contractions were strong and the nurse said we'd push through them so the combination of the force of the contraction and pushing would move him down.  The first push was an experience I can't describe.  I had waited so long for this moment, but I was so unsure of what I was doing.  It was suddenly very real that I was about to give birth, something I have feared my entire life. Enter involuntary shaking... (Maybe I am just a weenie) I began to make real progress after roughly an hour of pushing, but little man was stubborn (imagine that) and was moving slowly.  I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and when I heard the nurse tell a person over speaker that my progress was slow, I wanted to cry.  

At 5:10, my doctor came in to check on me and could see Bryson's head was only a 1/2 inch away, but he had turned it to the right.  He gave me two options: use the forceps or go in for a c-section.  I elected to have him use the forceps.  He told me we had one shot- if the forceps didn't work with the next set of pushes, we would be going in for a c-section. I immediately began praying that God would push this baby out!

A few minutes later, the drapes were set up around me and my doctor was preparing me to push one last time.  It was then that my contractions decided to calm down... of course.  Finally, a contraction began and I pushed once and Bryson's head was out.  His body followed very quickly without any help from me. Actually delivering him was nowhere near as scary as I'd expected.  I didn't feel any pain, but did feel the pressure of his head.  Knowing he was out was a surreal, indescribable feeling. Relief flooded my body and I screamed, then began crying uncontrollably. I had done it- I made it through labor and my little boy had finally entered the world.

At 5:32, I heard his first cry and my pink and purple little boy was laid on my chest.  

There was a scurry of activity in the next few minutes.  As I was being tended to, Bryson was weighed and measured.  He weighed in a 7 pounds 12.7 ounces and was 21.25 inches long.

After he was cleaned up, the nurses handed Bryson over to his daddy.  Clay couldn't take his eyes off of Bryson and stared at him in awe.  Watching my husband with our son may have been the most precious moment of the day.

Clay and I got a few minutes alone with our little guy before anyone came in.  Those first few moments as a family of 3 will be forever etched in my mind.  

After awhile, our family was allowed in to meet our precious little man. We spent most of the night surrounded by family and friends. At around 8:30, we were finally alone with Bryson for the first time. It was awesome to have our little family together and just enjoy time with this little guy we had waited so long for.  

Around 9:00 that night, a nurse came in to tell us that because Bryson had a fever of 100.6 and had grunted a little right after birth, they were going to do some precautionary tests. Within the hour, we learned that he had a pneumothorax, or a collapsed lung.  Hearing the news sent us into a tailspin!  The neonatalogist came to our room to explain the situation.  It's a fairly common condition, but Bryson's was pretty large.  To someone who isn't in the medical field, especially new parents, hearing something like that is awful.  Although the doctor did a terrible job explaining and made us think the worse, a pneumothorax isn't a huge deal. It is just a pocket of air next to the lung that prevents the lung from expanding as far as it should.  It can typically be resolved with a round of antibiotics.

They took him to the NICU immediately and hooked him up to all kinds of machines, one of which measured his blood oxygen. It was at 100%, so the pneumothorax was not affecting his breathing. They hooked him up to an IV and gave him antibiotics. 

The following morning, we got to the NICU early.  In addition to finding out the pneumothorax had improved, we also learned that Bryson's white blood cell count was elevated, signifying an infection. The doctor, who has a reputation for being very conservative, informed us that he would be doing a spinal tap to rule out meningitis, even though he was already certain that wasn't the cause. As expected, the results indicated that Bryson didn't have meningitis. 

Twenty-four hours later, on Saturday morning, his white blood cell count was normal and the pneumothorax had improved even more.  The doctor informed us he would no longer be testing his blood and wouldn't do another chest x-ray until Monday morning.  

I was discharged from the hospital on Saturday evening. That morning, I awoke before Clay and cried until he woke up... then cried some more. We had been looking forward to bringing our little guy into the world and taking him home to meet his fur sisters for so long and now we were facing going home without him. To know we were leaving without him broke my heart. Leaving him in the hospital that first night was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Until Saturday night, we had only told a few people what was going on, but because people were planning to visit when we got home, we decided to post about Bryson's condition on Facebook.  The responses we received were overwhelming. Wall comments, Facebook messages, phone calls and text messages began pouring in.  With so many people praying for our little man, we had no doubt that Monday's chest x-ray would reveal a completely healthy lung.

On Monday, three days after his birth, the pneumothorax was gone.  Praise God!  If antibiotics wouldn't have worked, a needle or chest tube would have been inserted in his chest.  I'll take antibiotics to the alternative any day! 

It is now Thursday, July 5 and we are still in the NICU.  Although the pneumothorax is gone and his white blood cell counts are normal, little man has to receive a 10-day cycle of antibiotics.  We spend 11-12 hours a day at the hospital.  He is in a crib and is only hooked up to machines for 20-30 minutes a day when he gets antibiotics, so we spend the day holding him and watching him sleep, feeding him, changing diapers and taking hundreds of pictures.  Leaving him at night has gotten easier, only because we know now that he is healthy and in good hands, but it's still so hard to enjoy being home when he is stuck in a stark white hospital room.

In his first week of life, Bryson has had 4 chest x-rays, a spinal tap and a number of IV ports.   He has been hooked up to a pulse oximeter and various sensors since he was 5-hours-old.  He currently has an antibiotic catheter port on the right side of his head. He's handled everything like a champ. While it's been incredibly difficult to see this little boy we love so dearly go through so much in his first week of life, it's a relief to know that he is completely healthy.

The last week has been trying and we've ridden a roller coaster of emotion, but it has been the best week of my life.  Not only did I finally get to meet the newest love of my life, but I have also seen God work through Him.  I have spent countless hours of quality time with my two favorite men and we have been blessed by so many friends and family.


On Saturday night, Clay and I will stay in a suite at the hospital and will finally get to spend the first night with our son.  We will bring him home on Sunday, July 8 and will finally get to begin our lives as a family of 5.  


I have taken my time with writing this, partially to ensure its accuracy, but also to reflect on the last 7 days.  While Bryson's first few days of life were not what we had planned, God has turned this test into a testimony.  Since we learned that Bryson was on his way, God has been faithful and has shown Himself to us on so many occasions.  The last week has been no exception and I am so grateful that He has been with us every step of the way.


Clay has always been a great husband and I have known for a long time that he would be an incredible dad, but this week, he's been tested and has passed with flying colors.  From the delivery room, to the NICU, to our babyless nights at home, he has been my rock.  He's been strong when I needed him to be and is soft and gentle with our son.  He's held my hand to comfort me, both through tremendous physical discomfort and incredible emotional distress.  He's helped me with the gross parts of labor and recovery without batting an eye and has taken care of me through all my pain and general ickiness.  I am so blessed to have him as my partner in parenthood and in life.


Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Bryson Reed..........

 

Overwhelmed

Since we've been preparing for Bryson's arrival, my Saturdays have been spent at showers, getting his room together or cleaning baseboards for the 40th time.  Between the packed weekends and less-than-sound sleep, I've been one exhausted gal lately.  Last weekend was one that every busy woman dreams of- no need for an alarm clock and a completely clear calendar.  

When I woke up Saturday morning, I expected to roll over and see Clay hogging the bed still sound asleep, but the bed was empty.  He rarely awakes before me, so I glanced at the clock.  It was already 8:00, which is the latest I've slept in months.  When I noticed Bailey and Jenna hadn't stirred, I decided to take advantage of the situation and stay in bed as long as I could.  When I finally got up, Clay was already eating breakfast and getting ready for an early workout.  I sat outside while the girls played in the backyard, reading the new edition of Cooking Light and sipping peach tea.  (Ok, so it was Crystal Light peach tea, but whatever) 


I decided to get out of the house for awhile, but first, I needed a bath... a bubble bath.  I got ready and went into town and decided errands just didn't sound fun, so I got a pedicure instead, then followed that with a haircut.  By the time I got home a few hours later, my mind was completely clear and I felt more relaxed than I have in months.  


I laid on the chaise part of our couch and Jenna immediately jumped up to spoon with me.  Clay brought a pillow over and joined us.  Because of the shape of our sectional, his body and mine made an L shape.  The three of us were sharing a pillow and watching Law & Order SVU.  My mind began to drift a little and I realized just how content I am with my life.


I learned a few years ago that if you ask God to reveal His blessings, you'll see them in every aspect of your life and the world around you.  Continuing the prayer to be aware of His presence makes colors brighter, puppies cuter and chocolate chip cookies smell even more Heavenly.  When I begin asking Him to reveal Himself, I really did notice colors in the flowers on my street that I had never noticed before.  I thanked God for creating my dogs because their only real purpose is to make me happy.  I haven't prayed that prayer in awhile, but after being wrapped up on the couch with my little family Saturday and realizing just how blessed I am, I couldn't help but thank God for knitting my life together in such a way.


I awoke early yesterday morning and looked at Clay.  I tell him all the time that he looks like a little boy when he sleeps.  He always looks so peaceful.  I watched him for a few minutes and felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude.  After 4 years with this man, catching a glimpse of him can still take my breath away and I fall in love with him all over again.  I looked at the girls sound asleep in their beds; Jenna's tail was wagging in her sleep and Bailey was snoring like an old man.  My heart was just about to burst at the seams.


The last few months have been a whirlwind and my mind is constantly reeling.  I jump from one thing to the next, rarely taking time to be still.  I am so thankful that I got an opportunity last weekend to be still and see the blessings that surround me.  God is so good and I am so grateful that when I need it the most, He stills me and reminds me that His hand is in every aspect of my life.


My life isn't perfect. I have bad days at work and get frustrated with household chores; however, I have a great job in a tough economy and a roof over my head.  I have an amazing husband who thinks I'm precious and works hard for our family.  I have 2 furbabies who never fail to make me smile and have such crazy personalities that they keep us laughing.  I have had the best pregnancy I could ever ask for and we are  just days away from meeting our son.  My son is being born in a rough world, but will be surrounded by an incredible family.  My friends were definitely handpicked by God and are such blessings in my life.  All in all, I'd say I have it pretty darn good.  


Thank you, Lord, for continually pouring blessings into my life even though I don't deserve a single thing.  You are too, too good to me!

My New Title

Throughout my life, I've garnered a number of titles.  Before God even began knitting me together in my mom's womb, I was His child.  On August 19, 1983, I became a daughter, granddaughter, cousin and niece.  In 2008, I became Clay's girlfriend, then eventually fiancee and wife.  I'm blessed because I'm also called friend and "seestor."

In just 6 weeks (or less), I'll pick up a brand new title: Bryson's Mommy!  Adding mommy to my list of credentials seems so surreal.  It's a title I've dreamed of my entire life.

Being pregnant has been so different than I expected.  I've heard woman after woman complain about the hardships of pregnancy and very few seemed to enjoy it.  While I do deal with the typical aches, pains and annoyances, I have been blessed with an incredible pregnancy and it really has been an unbelievable experience.  Pregnancy, especially your first, is full of unknowns, "what if's," questions, doubts, fears, and mostly, awe at God's creation.  The excitement I experienced in the first few weeks was multiplied when I felt the first flutter and increased exponentially when I began to see my belly wobbling from his wiggling.  I never knew that you could love someone you had never seen (at least human and not God) with such depth.  As much as I love this little boy right now, I can only imagine what it's going to be like when he arrives and I see him for the first time.

I learned of Bryson's impending arrival at 4 weeks and 4 days along.  We saw him for the first time at 7 weeks and 6 days.  We've literally watched him grow from the size of an apple seed to a watermelon through ultrasounds and have followed along with what his little body was doing each week.

In just 21 weeks, our little guy went from this

 

to this.

Being a student of Biology, I have always been amazed by the miracle that is a new life, but now that this new life is a product of Clay and me, saying that I'm amazed is an understatement. Clay catches me staring at my belly all the time, just watching Bryson wiggle from side to side.  When he really starts moving, I can't control the giggles.  

I think a lot about this new title and have such a myriad of emotions about it.  First and foremost, I'm so, so, so excited, but I'm also nervous and well, scared even.  I look at the picture above and my heart is filled with joy and I can't suppress the girly "Awww" at his sweet little grumpy face.  I analyze his nose and lips, looking for our characteristics.  Just as quickly as the giggles come on, the nerves creep in.  In a mere month and a half, Clay and I will be responsible for another life- one that will be completely helpless for awhile.  I keep reminding myself that I have successfully kept dogs alive... but then again, my plants inevitably wither very quickly without fail.  Granted, Bailey & Jenna are pretty high maintenance and they've lasted years, so hopefully they've been good practice. I'll just have to make sure not to leave Bryson in the sun without water, I suppose.  ;)

I guess it's natural to feel nervous and overwhelmed at the thought of becoming a parent for the first time.  I think so much about the things that I want Bryson to learn and how Clay and I will best model those things. In looking back, my role model was most frequently my mom and Clay's, his dad.  Although we've learned things from our friends and school, the most important lessons came from the mouths or actions of our parents.  Knowing that my life is in the spotlight even more when Bryson comes along makes me more conscious of my every word and behavior.  Of course, Clay and I talk about this a lot and being the rational man he is, he always makes me feel better about this new adventure and all fears quickly fade away.  As grateful as I am about being promoted to Mommy, I'm just as thankful that my partner in the new position is Clay, the Daddy.

My First Mother's Day

Disclaimer: I realize that I do not currently have an outside baby yet, but I believe that every woman who sees a positive on a pregnancy test and takes the steps necessary to take care of her baby is a mother. Motherhood, whether it's while the baby is still baking, or is 40-years-old, is a sacrifice. Friends who are pregnant- if you hear of any that "you're not a mother yet" junk, remind them that the minute you saw the two pink lines, you gave up your caffeine addiction and a glass of wine at the end of the day. You haven't had sushi in months and lunch meat still makes you a nervous wreck.  


My Mother's Day started a few weeks ago when I told Clay I wanted new sunglasses.  I've always bought cheap Fossil or Steve Madden glasses because I can't justify the expense of good ones.  He was having none of that and took me to pick out whatever sunglasses I wanted.  After trying on 20 pairs or so (hey, I'm indecisive and this was a big purchase!), I found the ones!  Goodbye Fossil, hello Coach!

Stinky iPhone picture, but you just get the idea, right? :)

Saturday, he said I could pick out whatever I wanted to complete my Mother's Day gift.  I really had no idea what else I could want, but he suggested the diaper bag I've had my eye on.  I don't want a super expensive, super fancy diaper bag that will be around a kid that spits up and poops all the time, but I have had my eye on a JJ Cole at Babies 'R' Us for awhile.  We went straight there and picked it up.  Since we got home late, it's still not packed, but I guarantee that will happen this week. Ha.

I can't think of a better way to celebrate my first Mother's Day than with my family because my mom, grandmother and aunts have been great role models for me to follow as I move into this new role.  They chose Mother's Day to shower Bryson with gifts.

The sign on the front door.

It's hard to see, but they did a baby jungle theme, even down to the cupcake wrappers.

Some of B-Man's gifts.

The table for the little miracle. :)

This was my favorite part of the decor, by far!

Aunt Trisha did a great job decorating the cupcakes, even if this one did have 2 right feet. ;)

7-10-12  :) :)

B got so many cute things, including these puppy butt pants.  

Granddaddy said we looked like twins, but she was missing the belly, so she put a balloon under her shirt.  Hahaha

Granddaddy won a prize at the first shower he ever attended. :)

Grandmama won for guessing how many squares of toilet paper it took to get around my belly.  I was totally unprepared for this picture, but it's the only one I got with her, so I'm posting anyway.

Savannah even got dressed for the occasion.

I am so thankful for an awesome husband and family that worked together to make the day so special for me. I love you all so much!

Blessed Beyond Measure

With Thanksgiving approaching, I am contemplating the blessings in my life. I am always aware of many of the blessings, but searching for something else to thank God for each day of the month really makes me look for things I don't see every day of my life.

I challenge you all to take a moment each day this month to look into your life and thank God for the abundant blessings He's poured out for you.

To catch up, here is my list.

Day 1: I am eternally thankful for my God, who loves me no matter how big of a brat I am. I have done some things in my life that I regret, that make me wonder where my head was, and definitely things I knew God would not like. Even so, He washed those things from my past, choosing not to remember. He looks past my imperfections to see my potential. Now, THAT, my friends, is love.

Day 2: My husband is incredible and so much more than I ever expected. I had little heart "breaks" along the road of life, but Clay leaves me wondering why I ever gave anyone else a second glance.

This is the song I walked down the aisle to. It's one of my favorites of all time and describes exactly how I feel: God aligned our lives to fit His plan for us and Clay is exceedingly more than I could ask for.
"You're my unfathomable precious unimaginable joy
And you're exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ask for
With your hand in mine, we will pass through time and space
And every second, every minute, every hour of every day, I'll say
My unfailing love for you will not be moved."

"He tells a story of a King coming in glory and He is
And that same Man who devised that plan united ours with His
And so hand in hand, we will walk with Him as our two become as one
And all the promises He promises to us He promises will never be undone."



Day 3: My mom was only 19 and in a marriage to a man who wasn't ready to be a husband or dad when she had me. She worked hard to ensure I had everything I needed. Before I was born, she committed me to the Lord, telling Him she knew I was His child and He was giving her the opportunity to raise me for Him. She's taken this approach throughout my life, teaching me about God and leading me to Him when I need advice or instruction.

For instance, when I was in ninth grade, I tried out for color guard, and to my surprise, made it. During band camp that summer, there was a move I could not get. I felt defeated and spent a few hours in the locker room of the middle school gym crying. When I told my mom I felt like I needed to quit, she told me to pray about it. I took her advice and when I went back to the yard with my flag, I nailed it! Because of that, I don't only believe "practice makes perfect," but that "prayer and practice make perfect."

Day 4: My family is too big to list individually, but I have been blessed beyond measure in this department. My grandparents are the rocks that hold our family together. My grandmother is one of my best friends and definitely my favorite shopping buddy. I love that she calls me Pewinkle; it just makes me feel so special! My granddaddy is serious when he needs to be, but most of the time, he's cracking jokes. He's one of the funniest people I've ever met! I have great aunts and uncles that are there when I need them. I have 10 cousins on my mom's side, all of which I love so much. I'm right in the middle of all the cousins, so I feel like I'm especially close to all of them. I think of 3 of my cousins, Trisha, Abbie, and Jayme, more like sisters than cousins.

Being that I grew up in North Carolina and my parents were divorced, I didn't get much time with my dad's side of the family. While I talked to my grandmother a good bit, I didn't have a relationship with the majority of the family. I loved them and knew they loved me, but I never rarely saw them and talked to them even less seldom. When my dad was in ICU in 2008, I realized I had to build relationships with him and his side of the family. I hate that my dad had to suffer such pain (story later) in order for us to begin piecing together a relationship, but since he's a-okay, I'm so thankful God repaired hearts and began working between us.

Day 5: I realize I've already discussed family, but now, I'm part of another family: Clay's! So many people have problems with their in-laws, but I'm so grateful I don't fit in that category. His dad and stepmom have made me feel like part of the family since the day I met them. It's comfortable for me and feels like home away from home. Clay's mom is precious and tells me she loves me each time we talk. His brother and sister are awesome and so are all of their kids. I am so, so blessed to be a part of the family!

Day 6: Dogs are generally useless, unless you're a farmer and have a shepherd or have a dog that would actually protect your house instead of licking an intruder to death. I, for one, do not have a dog that fits in to either category, but these two little girls are two of the most precious creatures alive. When I'm sick, I can depend on a black, furry nurse and when I'm upset, I have a tan, furry buddy to lick away tears. There's nothing greater than the feeling of coming home to two "people" who are excited to see you. The little quirks in their personalities and the silly little things they do bring so much joy to my life.

Day 7: After a bout with identity theft, I am even more grateful for my car. I was able to buy a car for myself last July. I never thought that day would come when I first checked my credit in 2008 to find someone had racked up over $8,000 of debt for me and had even attempted to buy a car.

So, what are you thankful for?