My New Title

Throughout my life, I've garnered a number of titles.  Before God even began knitting me together in my mom's womb, I was His child.  On August 19, 1983, I became a daughter, granddaughter, cousin and niece.  In 2008, I became Clay's girlfriend, then eventually fiancee and wife.  I'm blessed because I'm also called friend and "seestor."

In just 6 weeks (or less), I'll pick up a brand new title: Bryson's Mommy!  Adding mommy to my list of credentials seems so surreal.  It's a title I've dreamed of my entire life.

Being pregnant has been so different than I expected.  I've heard woman after woman complain about the hardships of pregnancy and very few seemed to enjoy it.  While I do deal with the typical aches, pains and annoyances, I have been blessed with an incredible pregnancy and it really has been an unbelievable experience.  Pregnancy, especially your first, is full of unknowns, "what if's," questions, doubts, fears, and mostly, awe at God's creation.  The excitement I experienced in the first few weeks was multiplied when I felt the first flutter and increased exponentially when I began to see my belly wobbling from his wiggling.  I never knew that you could love someone you had never seen (at least human and not God) with such depth.  As much as I love this little boy right now, I can only imagine what it's going to be like when he arrives and I see him for the first time.

I learned of Bryson's impending arrival at 4 weeks and 4 days along.  We saw him for the first time at 7 weeks and 6 days.  We've literally watched him grow from the size of an apple seed to a watermelon through ultrasounds and have followed along with what his little body was doing each week.

In just 21 weeks, our little guy went from this

 

to this.

Being a student of Biology, I have always been amazed by the miracle that is a new life, but now that this new life is a product of Clay and me, saying that I'm amazed is an understatement. Clay catches me staring at my belly all the time, just watching Bryson wiggle from side to side.  When he really starts moving, I can't control the giggles.  

I think a lot about this new title and have such a myriad of emotions about it.  First and foremost, I'm so, so, so excited, but I'm also nervous and well, scared even.  I look at the picture above and my heart is filled with joy and I can't suppress the girly "Awww" at his sweet little grumpy face.  I analyze his nose and lips, looking for our characteristics.  Just as quickly as the giggles come on, the nerves creep in.  In a mere month and a half, Clay and I will be responsible for another life- one that will be completely helpless for awhile.  I keep reminding myself that I have successfully kept dogs alive... but then again, my plants inevitably wither very quickly without fail.  Granted, Bailey & Jenna are pretty high maintenance and they've lasted years, so hopefully they've been good practice. I'll just have to make sure not to leave Bryson in the sun without water, I suppose.  ;)

I guess it's natural to feel nervous and overwhelmed at the thought of becoming a parent for the first time.  I think so much about the things that I want Bryson to learn and how Clay and I will best model those things. In looking back, my role model was most frequently my mom and Clay's, his dad.  Although we've learned things from our friends and school, the most important lessons came from the mouths or actions of our parents.  Knowing that my life is in the spotlight even more when Bryson comes along makes me more conscious of my every word and behavior.  Of course, Clay and I talk about this a lot and being the rational man he is, he always makes me feel better about this new adventure and all fears quickly fade away.  As grateful as I am about being promoted to Mommy, I'm just as thankful that my partner in the new position is Clay, the Daddy.