Oops, we did it again!

Hey there, blog land.  It's been a while since I've posted anything.  I've written a
few posts and never published, or decided to keep them private, but I'm back.... and for good reason!

WE DID IT AGAIN!

Baby #2 is ready to make his/her appearance in December! 

Bryson's Birth Story

Bryson's birth story is being featured on Pregnancy & Newborn magazine's website this week.  I adapted a blog post for them, so it's basically a repeat for some of you, but in case you want to check it out, click here:

Amazing Love

I've known love for a long time. I have loved God since I can remember and am blessed to have an incredible family and friends that I love so much.  I experienced a new kind of love in spring of 2008 when I fell in love with my husband and that love deepens with each day that passes.  

However, at 5:32 PM on Thursday, June 28, I experienced a kind of love I've never known.  It was at that moment that a completely new part of my heart opened up. It was the moment I finally got to meet my son.

At around 1:45 on Wednesday, June 27th, I stood up from my desk and felt a small gush of fluid. It was a strange feeling and I honestly had to convince myself I hadn't had an accident on myself (ha).  The trickles continued for 30 minutes, so I called the doctor and left work immediately. The doctor confirmed that my water had broken, so I was immediately admitted to the hospital. 

The next few minutes were a whirlwind.  I had one nurse checking me in, another getting my bed and gown ready and yet another starting my IV and drawing blood.  As nervous as I had been about giving birth, I was sitting on the bed with a huge smile on my face and laughing with the nurses when Clay came in.  Our dream of becoming parents was finally becoming a reality and the thought of seeing my precious little boy overruled any fear or anxiety I had.

Because my water had broken, I was forced to stay in the bed to prevent infection.  I was already 3 centimeters dilated and 50% effaced on arrival, and they expected me to start contracting on my own through the night. I had a few erratic contractions throughout that sleepless night, but they weren't measurable or becoming regular, so the nurse added Pitocin to my IV at 6:00 AM.

By 7:00, I was having fairly intense contractions that were 2 minutes apart. They really began hurting at 7:30 and by 7:45, were enough to make me forget to breathe. Our nurse, Rhonda, sent everyone to the waiting room to check dilation and to give me a few minutes to relax. I was already at 5 cm and was insistent on holding out for the epidural until 7 cm... until one big contraction sent me over the edge.

I began involuntarily shaking and couldn't control it.  Even feeding myself ice chips was impossible, so Clay had to spoon them into my mouth. I don't know what caused it, but the nurse said it was a natural reaction to being in labor.  I'm glad to hear that- I thought I was just being a weenie. :)

I got the epidural at 9:15, when I was 6 cm dilated. I began to feel relief quickly.  I could no longer move the left side of my body, but after 3 contractions, noticed I was still having pain in a localized area on my right side. It intensified with each contraction and one even made me cry. I could still move my right leg, a sure sign that the epidural was not working.  The anesthesiologist gave me an additional dose of meds and they rolled me to the right to get the meds to move, but it didn't work. I had to have the epidural removed and reinserted. Thirty seconds later, I was numb from the waist down and the involuntary shaking stopped.

The next few hours seemed to last an eternity.  I wasn't feeling any pain, but my legs tingled.  I made a game out of trying to move my legs, but lost every time.  No matter how hard I tried, I had no control of anything below the belt.  Clay had to move my legs for me when the tingling got too intense and once when he moved me, I discovered the reason behind the tingle.  Thanks to the epidural, my feet and legs were retaining water and looked like I weighed 400 pounds.  

Finally, at 2:40 PM, I was at 10 cm and Bryson was ready to be born!

I started pushing at 3:00 PM.  My contractions were strong and the nurse said we'd push through them so the combination of the force of the contraction and pushing would move him down.  The first push was an experience I can't describe.  I had waited so long for this moment, but I was so unsure of what I was doing.  It was suddenly very real that I was about to give birth, something I have feared my entire life. Enter involuntary shaking... (Maybe I am just a weenie) I began to make real progress after roughly an hour of pushing, but little man was stubborn (imagine that) and was moving slowly.  I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and when I heard the nurse tell a person over speaker that my progress was slow, I wanted to cry.  

At 5:10, my doctor came in to check on me and could see Bryson's head was only a 1/2 inch away, but he had turned it to the right.  He gave me two options: use the forceps or go in for a c-section.  I elected to have him use the forceps.  He told me we had one shot- if the forceps didn't work with the next set of pushes, we would be going in for a c-section. I immediately began praying that God would push this baby out!

A few minutes later, the drapes were set up around me and my doctor was preparing me to push one last time.  It was then that my contractions decided to calm down... of course.  Finally, a contraction began and I pushed once and Bryson's head was out.  His body followed very quickly without any help from me. Actually delivering him was nowhere near as scary as I'd expected.  I didn't feel any pain, but did feel the pressure of his head.  Knowing he was out was a surreal, indescribable feeling. Relief flooded my body and I screamed, then began crying uncontrollably. I had done it- I made it through labor and my little boy had finally entered the world.

At 5:32, I heard his first cry and my pink and purple little boy was laid on my chest.  

There was a scurry of activity in the next few minutes.  As I was being tended to, Bryson was weighed and measured.  He weighed in a 7 pounds 12.7 ounces and was 21.25 inches long.

After he was cleaned up, the nurses handed Bryson over to his daddy.  Clay couldn't take his eyes off of Bryson and stared at him in awe.  Watching my husband with our son may have been the most precious moment of the day.

Clay and I got a few minutes alone with our little guy before anyone came in.  Those first few moments as a family of 3 will be forever etched in my mind.  

After awhile, our family was allowed in to meet our precious little man. We spent most of the night surrounded by family and friends. At around 8:30, we were finally alone with Bryson for the first time. It was awesome to have our little family together and just enjoy time with this little guy we had waited so long for.  

Around 9:00 that night, a nurse came in to tell us that because Bryson had a fever of 100.6 and had grunted a little right after birth, they were going to do some precautionary tests. Within the hour, we learned that he had a pneumothorax, or a collapsed lung.  Hearing the news sent us into a tailspin!  The neonatalogist came to our room to explain the situation.  It's a fairly common condition, but Bryson's was pretty large.  To someone who isn't in the medical field, especially new parents, hearing something like that is awful.  Although the doctor did a terrible job explaining and made us think the worse, a pneumothorax isn't a huge deal. It is just a pocket of air next to the lung that prevents the lung from expanding as far as it should.  It can typically be resolved with a round of antibiotics.

They took him to the NICU immediately and hooked him up to all kinds of machines, one of which measured his blood oxygen. It was at 100%, so the pneumothorax was not affecting his breathing. They hooked him up to an IV and gave him antibiotics. 

The following morning, we got to the NICU early.  In addition to finding out the pneumothorax had improved, we also learned that Bryson's white blood cell count was elevated, signifying an infection. The doctor, who has a reputation for being very conservative, informed us that he would be doing a spinal tap to rule out meningitis, even though he was already certain that wasn't the cause. As expected, the results indicated that Bryson didn't have meningitis. 

Twenty-four hours later, on Saturday morning, his white blood cell count was normal and the pneumothorax had improved even more.  The doctor informed us he would no longer be testing his blood and wouldn't do another chest x-ray until Monday morning.  

I was discharged from the hospital on Saturday evening. That morning, I awoke before Clay and cried until he woke up... then cried some more. We had been looking forward to bringing our little guy into the world and taking him home to meet his fur sisters for so long and now we were facing going home without him. To know we were leaving without him broke my heart. Leaving him in the hospital that first night was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Until Saturday night, we had only told a few people what was going on, but because people were planning to visit when we got home, we decided to post about Bryson's condition on Facebook.  The responses we received were overwhelming. Wall comments, Facebook messages, phone calls and text messages began pouring in.  With so many people praying for our little man, we had no doubt that Monday's chest x-ray would reveal a completely healthy lung.

On Monday, three days after his birth, the pneumothorax was gone.  Praise God!  If antibiotics wouldn't have worked, a needle or chest tube would have been inserted in his chest.  I'll take antibiotics to the alternative any day! 

It is now Thursday, July 5 and we are still in the NICU.  Although the pneumothorax is gone and his white blood cell counts are normal, little man has to receive a 10-day cycle of antibiotics.  We spend 11-12 hours a day at the hospital.  He is in a crib and is only hooked up to machines for 20-30 minutes a day when he gets antibiotics, so we spend the day holding him and watching him sleep, feeding him, changing diapers and taking hundreds of pictures.  Leaving him at night has gotten easier, only because we know now that he is healthy and in good hands, but it's still so hard to enjoy being home when he is stuck in a stark white hospital room.

In his first week of life, Bryson has had 4 chest x-rays, a spinal tap and a number of IV ports.   He has been hooked up to a pulse oximeter and various sensors since he was 5-hours-old.  He currently has an antibiotic catheter port on the right side of his head. He's handled everything like a champ. While it's been incredibly difficult to see this little boy we love so dearly go through so much in his first week of life, it's a relief to know that he is completely healthy.

The last week has been trying and we've ridden a roller coaster of emotion, but it has been the best week of my life.  Not only did I finally get to meet the newest love of my life, but I have also seen God work through Him.  I have spent countless hours of quality time with my two favorite men and we have been blessed by so many friends and family.


On Saturday night, Clay and I will stay in a suite at the hospital and will finally get to spend the first night with our son.  We will bring him home on Sunday, July 8 and will finally get to begin our lives as a family of 5.  


I have taken my time with writing this, partially to ensure its accuracy, but also to reflect on the last 7 days.  While Bryson's first few days of life were not what we had planned, God has turned this test into a testimony.  Since we learned that Bryson was on his way, God has been faithful and has shown Himself to us on so many occasions.  The last week has been no exception and I am so grateful that He has been with us every step of the way.


Clay has always been a great husband and I have known for a long time that he would be an incredible dad, but this week, he's been tested and has passed with flying colors.  From the delivery room, to the NICU, to our babyless nights at home, he has been my rock.  He's been strong when I needed him to be and is soft and gentle with our son.  He's held my hand to comfort me, both through tremendous physical discomfort and incredible emotional distress.  He's helped me with the gross parts of labor and recovery without batting an eye and has taken care of me through all my pain and general ickiness.  I am so blessed to have him as my partner in parenthood and in life.


Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, Bryson Reed..........

 

Pregnancy Must-Haves

Since my blog has become very pregnant-centric lately, I figured I'd keep the trend alive and post some of the things that I consider a "must-have" for pregnancy.

Clockwise from left to right:
1. Leachco Snoogle pillow: I got this pillow early in my pregnancy and for a few months, it was a life (and hip) saver.  It's a huge pillow and pretty pricey, but well worth it when your hips are expanding and aching.  I got it at Buy Buy Baby and with a coupon, it was something like $55.  The girls and I agree it's worth the price.

2: Bio-Oil: I used a combination of this and cocoa butter and my belly's still stretch mark free *knock on wood*.  It doesn't really soak in very well and can stay pretty tacky, so I rubbed it on my belly and hips and let it sit on my skin for 5 minutes or so, then rubbed in cocoa butter.  Using this combination in the morning made my skin stay hydrated all day.  When my belly started growing quickly and itched like crazy, this stuff worked wonders.

3. Stool Softeners: Yeah, it's TMI, but I promise you'll want these more than likely.  Prenatal vitamins can really mess with your digestive system, so the added insurance of these little babies makes life a little easier.

4: Wunderlist iPhone app: I'm one of those people who makes lists for EVERYTHING and with little man's arrival sneaking up on us, there's so much to do.  Wunderlist is a great [free] app that helps me keep everything organized.  Plus, marking things off feels AWESOME.

5. Cocoa Butter: I seriously keep cocoa butter EVERYWHERE.  I have one on my nightstand, another on my desk at work and a trial size in my purse.  At the slightest dry feeling or itch, I slather the stuff on.  

6: Sprout iPhone app: This is my favorite baby app, by far.  I think it was $2.99, but it's worth it.  Not only does it tell you what's developing in your baby each week (complete with pictures), but it also has some questions you might want to ask your doctor, a timeline of your pregnancy (i.e. when to expect certain tests, etc), a kick counter, contraction timer, and so much more.  Love, love, love it.

7: Chick Fil-A: I was being silly with this one, but seriously, I could live off the 5-pack nuggets and chargrilled chicken sandwich.  Of course, lately, the coleslaw has been my BFF.

8. One-A-Day Prenatal Vitamins with DHA: These are approximately $15 for a month's supply, but they're not lacking a thing.  They have as much iron as my usual iron supplement and have plenty of folic acid and DHA for baby's brain.  (Come to think of it, maybe all that DHA is why Bryson's head is measuring so far ahead- he's a GENIUS!!) Pre-pregnancy, I had terrible dizzy spells and black vision from low iron, but since starting these, I haven't had that once!

Some other food for thought:

The BeBand is awesome for the in-between time when your regular pants don't fit comfortably and maternity pants are too big.  I was able to stay in my regular pants until around week 14 with this thing.

I didn't want to spend a ton on a new wardrobe and maternity clothes can be expensive!  I learned you don't HAVE to have maternity shirts for the most part.  You can find flowy shirts in a size larger than your normal for MUCH cheaper, especially if you hit stores like TJ Maxx and Ross.  

Your workouts will change, but a pregnant body doesn't require as much impact as a non-pregnant body.  Walking around the mall or a pleasant stroll around the neighborhood is plenty, just as long as you're moving!

Water, water, water.  I've drank 100 ounces of water a day [almost] my entire pregnancy.  Not only does my skin feel better, but I feel better all the way around.  If you get bored, add lemon, Crystal Light or even berries frozen in ice cubes.

Don't look at pictures of your old body, especially when you're just a few weeks from your due date.  You'll suddenly feel like a whale.  And while I'm at it, don't watch America's Top Model or the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.  Actually, I'm not sure that's wise even if you're not pregnant!

I'll also add that these things are AWESOME.  They're so much better than the Popsicle brand popsicles and are better for you!  I only discovered them 2 weeks ago and they're not a must-have, but when you're VERY pregnant during an Alabama summer, a daily (or in my case, 2) popsicle is basically a requirement!

What NOT to Say to a Pregnant Gal

Before I saw the two bright pink lines on my EPT test, I probably said some things that made pregnant acquaintances cringe.  Recently I've learned that people have NO idea how to talk to a woman who's eating living for two. I thought I'd put together a list of the most heinous things I've heard, partially for your amusement, partially to prevent me from going pregnant hormonal and hurling someone across the room smiling and nodding, then complaining to Clay.

"You look like you're going to pop."
Unless you know for a fact that a woman is 56 weeks pregnant, this is completely unacceptable. Yes, we realize that we have this balloon-sized belly leading the way because, well, it tends to bump into cabinets or knock books off shelves. By letting this phrase come out of your mouth, you're telling a hormonal woman that she's huge, whether that's what you mean or not. The only acceptable response I see to this is, "Yes, I am about to pop. I'm about to pop YOU," then smack the offender good and hard.

"You're so tiny!"
For a woman without hCG courses through her veins, noticing her petite figure is a compliment. On the other hand, a pregnant woman who hears this phrase is afraid her baby isn't developing properly. Other acceptable statements go something like this: "You look amazing," "I hope I look like you when I'm pregnant," or "Here, have some chocolate!"

"How much weight have you gained?"
Wherever the offending party's mother is, she's embarrassed and has no idea why. Asking a woman about her weight is like asking her age- just.don't.do.it. You wouldn't ask an overweight woman that, would you? Definitely don't ask the woman who is merely teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown because she has to finish putting together a nursery, hasn't slept in days because her back is killing her AND is only surviving on 200 mg of caffeine a day.

"There must be something wrong with you."
I don't know what it is, but seeing a pregnant belly turns everyone, even Whataburger cashiers, into doctors. Look, it's plain and simple- if you aren't a doctor and don't even play one on TV, shut your mouth. I don't care if my face has turned purple and zebra stripes are forming, do not tell me you think there's something wrong. A pregnant woman lives every minute in fear that something is wrong and your ignorant remarks make it worse.

I had someone tell me that something must be wrong with me because I was nauseated for 4 weeks of the first trimester. Apparently the term "morning sickness" isn't as common as I thought.............  In hindsight, I really wish my response would have been, "Funny, the nausea only comes on when I have to look at you." Maybe, just maybe that would have worked.

"There must be something wrong with the baby."
This is an even worse case of Doctor Wannabe. Anyone without an obstetrics degree that diagnoses a baby in utero is a heartless jerk. Sorry that's blunt, but get pregnant for 5 minutes and see if you don't feel the same way. I had someone tell me that "There must be something wrong, like he's hyperactive" because I feel him move so frequently. I have an almost 5-pound, 17 inch(ish) baby in my midsection. Of course I'm going to feel him, for goodness sake.

"Are you sure you're not having twins?"
The fact that this question has ever passed through someone's lips is disturbing on so many levels. You might as well say, "Good gosh, you're as big as a house," because that's what a pregnant girl will hear. With swollen legs, ever-expanding boobs, the lack of a waist and back pain that could bring Hercules to his knees, we know we're hefty. We don't need Skinny Minnie (or worse yet, Big Bertha) reminding us. In the words of Stephanie Tanner, "How rude!"


The only time I've gotten this question was before I really popped, so it wasn't implying I was big, but that I should be aware that we could have a surprise on D-Day. This particular Wal-Mart cashier didn't know she was pregnant with twins until they were born. Considering twins run in Clay's family and both sides of our family have joked about us having twins, I went into a tailspin.

"Are you going to breastfeed?"
Personally, I don't want to discuss my breasts with anybody that isn't my husband or doesn't have an M.D. next to his name, so don't ask me this. How I choose to nourish my baby is my decision. The only thing worse is "You're going to breastfeed, right?" If you intend to question my baby's nourishment, don't be surprised if I ask, "Are you sure you should eat that," when you order a cheeseburger and fries.

"Was it planned?"
I've gotten this question a few times. Seriously, how is this anyone's business? Planned or not, there's a kiddo on the way. My response is always "Yup, it sure was. God knew the day our little man would enter our lives even before we were born."

  "Can I rub your belly?"
Ok, so I've never really heard this question. Most people just walk right up and rub like my belly is a lamp and they're expecting a genie any minute. There will be no little blue man pop up and give you millions of dollars, so quit it! My belly itches A LOT and frankly, it's awkward to stand there being openly fondled. ONLY if you're directly related to the kiddo underneath should you consider asking to touch a woman's body. I've decided this would be less of a problem if the men with big beer bellies were more attractive- baby bellies wouldn't draw so much darn attention!

Baby Dreams

Since I learned of the impending arrival of our little one, I've dreamed about him on multiple occasions.  I have never had dreams about a little girl, but instantly began dreaming about a precious little boy.  At one point, I was even certain we were having a girl, but boy dreams continued.

In each dream, I see him in clear detail and he looks the same each time.  If he comes out looking like my dreams, move over Gerber baby, Bryson Stoker puts you to shame!  Oh who am I kidding?  He will anyway.  No, I'm not biased and how dare you accuse me....

Last night, Bryson was center stage in every dream.  Throughout the night, I saw Clay change his first diaper... and get his first Bryson shower.  (Hey, it's my subconscious- I can't control it, but I sure do love my sense of humor)  I saw his little feet and the folds of skin on his chunky little arms.  I felt the instant bond that formed when he nursed and my heart melted at his little smile.  I woke up multiple times and always had a smile on my face... until I realized he wasn't here yet.

I have never boasted of my patience and I get it honestly.  My mom always says she was standing in the patience line in Heaven, but got tired of waiting and left.  That's me.  Slow drivers, the days leading up to Princess Andrea Day my birthday and Bailey dragging her feet to come inside drive me nuts!  Since getting pregnant, I've decided it was God's ploy to teach the impatient women of the world how to slow down and wait.... and wait... and wait...

In thinking back, the days since I saw my first positive pregnancy test on November 5 have flown by, but the realization that I still have 85 whole days until my little man's due date is disheartening.  After our scare with early contractions, I swore I wouldn't say "I can't wait until he gets here" because I can, in fact, wait if it means he's healthy and able to survive outside my belly.  That being said, I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL HE GETS HERE!  Last night's dreams were so real and so ingrained in my mind that I am able to replay each second with perfect clarity.  I have a feeling that the next 85 days are going to creeeeeep by.

Little man, Mommy is incredibly excited about your arrival.  I know God has His hand on you and will decide when it's time for us to meet face to face and I can't wait for that day, but until then, keep on rockin' and rollin' in my belly.  Your kicks, flips and punches make for great entertainment and I hope will make the next 85 easier for me to handle without going absolutely crazy! :)

Hold Your Horses, Little Man!

WARNING: By reading this post, you will probably learn more about me than you ever wanted to.

Last Wednesday, April 4, I learned that our little guy is much like his mommy. By that, I mean he gets overly excited and is slightly impatient.

I got home from work at 5:30 and changed in yoga pants and tennis shoes, ready to hit the streets with the girls. Since Bryson thinks my bladder is a trampoline, I thought it wise to use the restroom before we took our walk to prevent two little girls from being dragged down the street while we raced urgently back to the bathroom. As soon as I entered the bathroom, I got an overwhelming pain in my back and immediately felt very sick. I'll spare you the details, but as I was finishing up, I noticed I had spotted a bit.

Throughout this pregnancy, I haven't had any spotting, or even implantation bleeding, so I panicked. I texted Clay, then called my mom to have her begin praying. My original plan was to wait an hour and see if the bleeding stopped, but I just felt off, so my mom convinced me to call the doctor.

I spoke with the on-call doctor at my practice, who I had never met, but she was very reassuring. She asked a lot of questions to pinpoint the cause of the blood and since I couldn't answer anything affirmatively, she had me come in to be checked.

I called Clay and he left work to meet me at the hospital. For the record, my mom beat us both. We were taken immediately into a birth suite and I was hooked up to the doppler to monitor Bryson's heartbeat and the cardiotocograph (thanks for that info, Laura) to see if I was having contractions. Per his usual behavior, Bryson immediately kicked both the doppler and cardio... nevermind, let's call it an electronic fetal monitor (EFM) instead. He kept kicking them throughout the hour I was hooked up and at one point, did it hard enough to trigger an alarm. The doppler made his kicks sound like he was tapping a microphone and kept us laughing. He's already so feisty- he doesn't like anything in his space!

Within 5 minutes of hooking up the EFM, I had 2 contractions, 1 of which was over 40 seconds long. Over the course of an hour, I had 5 contractions that were 40 seconds or longer and 8 that were around 30 seconds. Near the end of the hour, they tapered off by themselves. The nurse checked my cervix and I was not dilated at all, so I was never in labor. Praise God!

While the experience was very scary, I'm actually very grateful for it. I have attempted to keep my stress levels low and not to get worked up about things that are considered normal during pregnant. I think I've done a pretty good job, but on Wednesday, I knew there was something funny and I was right. Because of our experience, I can tell the difference in Braxton Hicks and real contractions.

As usual, I have to brag on Clay. He has an uncanny ability to keep a cool head, no matter the circumstance. Throughout our time at the hospital, he stayed calm and assured me through his actions and words. He sat on the bed next to me, talking to Bryson and rubbing my hand and belly. I've already known he's a great husband, but he proves to me more every day what a good daddy he will be.

Little Man, Mommy and Daddy are so excited about your arrival, but we are learning to be patient. You have to do the same! As long as 10 more weeks seems, I can wait if it means you will be completely formed and able to survive outside Mommy's belly. I know it's probably uncomfortable in there, but just give it a little bit longer. You'll be here with Mommy, Daddy, Bailey and Jenna before you know it!

Lord, thank you for keeping our little man safe throughout this pregnancy. I have always marveled at the miracle of new life, but am even more amazed seeing it unfold week by week. Please keep your hand on our little man and continue to develop his intricate little body. This little boy is yours and Clay and I trust that he is in Your hand. Thank you for blessing us with the opportunity to be his parents. Please continue to guide us through this pregnancy and into the parenting journey.

Dear Bryson

I realized something this weekend and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I am completely, wholly, 100% whipped. I have yet to see what you look like, but every little thing you do amazes me.

I follow along with what's going on in your little body each week. I'm a science nerd and human development has always amazed me, but now that I am following the development of a little boy I love so deeply, I'm in absolute awe of the miracles God is performing in my body.

You're an active little thing. I feel you just about all day. Sometimes I tell Daddy it's like you're cleaning up in there- I feel something rub up and down from one side of my belly to the other. (If you're cleaning, you get that from me, definitely not your Daddy) Other times, I call you a little ninja. You kick and punch the left side of my belly A LOT.

In the last month, you've grown a lot. For awhile, I could feel your movements, but even though your Daddy kept his hand on my belly forever, he couldn't feel anything. Within a week, he was able to feel kicks. Now we're able to see you moving!

Last night, I was laying in bed. Daddy and the puppies were already sound asleep and I was trying to join them; however, you had other plans. Between 9:00 and 10:00 every night, you get silly. That's when the belly jumping kicks start. I giggle like a little girl every time. It thrills me to see you moving.

Being able to see you moving around makes you much more real. It's very comforting to see and feel you in there practicing your ninja skills. We are so anxious for you to arrive. I have a countdown on my phone and check it each morning to see how much longer we have until we get to meet you.

This weekend, your Daddy and I were registering for the things you'll need and started talking [for the 1,673,456th time] about how anxious we are for you to make your grand entrance. Of course, I want you to wait for at least 13 more weeks so you'll be completely ready, but I want those weeks to fly. Being a mommy, I'm ready for my baby to get here. I look forward to holding you, kissing your little nose and tickling your feet. Daddy is ready for you to get here so you can start walking and talking. He's ready for his football buddy! Just the thought of you walking and talking brings tears to my eyes. You aren't even here yet and I'm already trying to keep you a baby! You may be in real trouble here, kid. :)

We have 113 days until you're due to be here. I hope you aren't like Daddy and always late. Please be more like Mommy and get here early (just not too early). I'm not sure I can wait 4 more months!

We love you, little man, and are anxiously awaiting your arrival!

-Mommy

Dear Bryson

Dear Bryson,

We got to see you again yesterday. I never thought I'd look forward to visiting the doctor, but I count down the days each month, especially when we get an ultrasound. Your heartbeat is BY FAR the most amazing sound in the world. Seriously, it turns me into a puddle of Mommy goo every time I hear it. It's an amazing feat of willpower if the tears that well up in my eyes stay there instead of streaming down my face.

Obviously, I think about you every day. I wonder what you're doing in my belly- if you're sleeping and sometimes even if you're comfortable. I can usually tell when you're awake because you like that bladder shaped trampoline installed near you. :) I wonder what color hair you'll be born with and if you'll have your Daddy's eyes. I wonder if you can hear us talking to you and if you can tell the difference between me and Daddy. Sometimes Jenna lays her head or paw on my belly. I always wonder if you know that's your puppy saying hi to you.

Every Tuesday, I send an update on your development to your Daddy, grandparents, Aunt Trisha and Aunt Leigh. It's amazing to see how quickly you've developed. Being that I'm a Biology nerd and am adamantly pro-life, I know the stages of development, but until you came along, they were just facts. Now those facts are mixed with emotion, amazement and complete awe.

Just 18 weeks ago, you were conceived. I know, I know, you want to know nothing about your conception. That's as far as I'm going. I just can't stop thinking that in a mere 18 weeks, you've developed into a perfect, tiny human. You have working organs, fingerprints, eyelashes, taste buds. You're basically your Daddy, but in miniature form!

Your Daddy and I talk a lot about how amazing you are. You're bound to hear that from us your entire life, but right now, we're completely mesmerized by you. Yesterday, we watched as you extended your legs and flexed your foot. We watched your hand near your face as you searched for your mouth with your thumb. You were just being your baby self, but you had us laughing and me crying. We've bragged to everyone we know about your growth, your sweet little yawn and that you've got good muscle tone when you flex. Yes, you flexed, as evidenced here. I told you you're a mini Daddy!



I thought I knew love before you. After all, I love God and have had a lifelong relationship with Him. Your Daddy is the love of my life and I fall deeper in love with him on a daily basis. I love our family with my whole heart and my friends fill a very special place in my heart. Until you came along, I never understood that love between a Mom and her baby that I've heard so much about. Now I do. I understand a love so deep that means sacrificing whatever necessary, even chocolate and Diet Mountain Dew!! I understand a love that, on the fourth nightly bathroom trip at 3:00 AM, isn't annoying, but precious that the life inside me is growing.

Little man, your daddy and I are anxiously awaiting the day we get to meet you. We both agree it will be the best day of our lives, even better than our wedding day. Not only will we be together as husband and wife, but we'll meet the newest, smallest love of our lives and become Stoker Part of Three... err... Five. We can't leave the pups out. :)

We love you!

My First Test of Faith as a Parent

Growing up, when I got in trouble for something, my mom always said, "You'll understand when you're a parent." I got the same response when she requested I call her upon reaching my destination (even my honeymoon!) or she called in a panic because it had been a few days since we had spoken.

I swear, the woman is always right! It wasn't until I found out about Bryson that I understood the concerns that come with having children. The days before our first appointment were filled with doubt. Was I really pregnant? Was our little one okay in there? Between each monthly appointment, those same fears creep in. Am I eating enough or the right things to help him develop correctly? Did the doctors mess up by giving me that antibiotic? Did I just break his foot or whatever's stuck at my hip when I sat down too hard? (Don't make fun- it knocked the wind out of me, so I just knew I crushed toes. Ha)

Yesterday's appointment revealed my first true test of faith as parent.

We went to our appointment excited to see our little guy again. Since we're at 20 weeks, we were going to get to see him for an extended period while they check his heart, brain, spine and kidneys, and check his overall growth.

We spent 30 minutes oooing, aahing and giggling at his movements. Ok, I giggled, Clay just oohed and aahed. He had grown so much in the last 4 weeks and looked like a little monkey. His long legs, toes and arms were so precious and we even got a sneak peek at the 4D images. We learned that our little man is developing quickly. He is measuring a full 8 days ahead. At 20 weeks and 2 days, he's measuring 21 weeks and 3 days and already weighs a pound!

At the end of the ultrasound, I asked the tech how everything looked. Her response put me on a roller coaster of emotion. She started off by saying that everything looked great, and then said he has choroid plexus cysts on his brain. She continued by saying they see these in 1 of every 4 babies and typically go away by week 28, but that didn't make me feel better. Common or not, I don't want them on my precious baby! I wanted them gone IMMEDIATELY!

I took a few minutes to read a little about the cysts. The choroid plexus is an area of the brain that isn't involved in thinking or personality, but is responsible for making a fluid that protects and nourishes the brain and spinal cord. Basically, a choroid plexus cyst (CPD) is a fluid-filled space in that area of the brain. They can vary in size and shape and can be on one or both sides of the brain.

Regardless of how many there are and their size or shape, they're generally harmless if they are not accompanied by any other abnormalities. If there are other abnormalities, the cysts could indicate Trisomy 18.

As a human, it's easy to focus more on the last sentence instead of the positives. I won't pretend I didn't worry a little after reading that, but as a Christian, I am told not to worry.

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I began praying and was reminded that God's got this under control! Since that reminder a mere hour after learning about the cysts, my attitude has changed. I'm not worrying about those cysts. I'm not worrying about this pregnancy. My God has those cysts in His hand. He has my little man in His hand. As concerned as I am for Bryson and his development, God is even more so because He loves him even more than I do!

When we go in for our 28 week appointment, not only will we get to see our little man again, but we WILL hear the words that the cysts are no more. God alone has the ability to remove them and I have faith that He will.

When I got pregnant, I gave Bryson back to God. After all, he belongs to God and God is just asking Clay and me to raise him. This test is inevitably the first of many, but with God's help, we'll get through every one. Only with God can you walk through fire without getting burned.

Your prayers for our little guy are greatly appreciated. In two months, you'll see God answered them. Just wait!

13 weeks!

How far along? 13 weeks (and 1 day)
Baby's size: The baby is roughly the size of a peach (2.9 inches long and .81 ounces)
Total weight gain/loss: As of my appointment on 12/27, I had gained 5 pounds (in a month). I hope I haven't gained any since.
Stretch marks? Nope.
Sleep? I'm sleeping okay, but having really weird dreams. Last week's standout dream was the weirdest so far- we had coyotes and sharks in our backyard and Jenna kept trying to play with them. I woke up in panic looking for her.
Maternity clothes? I'm in regular shirts, but it's definitely looking like I have a spare tire. I've had two people (whom I don't know) be able to tell I'm pregnant, so it's encouraging I don't just look like I should step away from the desserts. My Belly Band is keeping me in my jeans, but I have some maternity pants for work. Sitting all day in a belly band is for the birds.
Best moment this week: Finishing my first baby project. I got a sewing machine at Christmas and have been itching to make a blankie. It's not perfect, but it turned out much better than I expected, especially considering this is the first time I've ever used a sewing machine. :)

Worst Moment: I had a bad dream that signified miscarriage. I woke up in a cold sweat and in tears. I know God's hand is on this little peach, so I had to shake it off and let it go!
Symptoms: Headaches galore! Tylenol is seriously the worst pain reliever ever invented. It doesn't work and it's the only thing that's safe for baby.
Miss Anything? Hot baths and Advil!
Movement:
Anything making you queasy or sick?
Gender: 6 weeks and 6 days until we know. This is a test of patience.
What is baby up to? His/her vocal cords and teeth are already forming! He/she already has fingerprints! How awesome is that? The umbilical cord is moving to a more permanent place and the intestines are moving further into the body. His/her pancreas is producing insulin, which will regulate sugar levels when he/she makes the grand appearance.

His/her head to body ratio is straightening out some. The head is now only about 1/3 of the size of his/her body compared to the 1/2 it has been. Muscle control is developing, but he/she still doesn't have much control. My little frog baby is looking a bit more human since his/her eyes are moving closer together. The toes have separated into sweet, separate little digits and are the same length and the joints in the ankles have matured. Geez, there's so much going on in there!

Twelve Weeks!

How far along? 12 weeks
Baby's size: The baby is roughly the size of a plum (2.1 inches long and .49 ounces)
Total weight gain/loss: I've gained a whopping 5 pounds since 11/28. Baby S has grown 2 inches since then and I had 4 Christmas gatherings, so it makes complete sense. :)
Stretch marks? Nope, not yet. I hope it stays that way.
Sleep? For the most part, I'm sleeping okay. I've had a few nights of lying awake for 2-3 hours, only to fall asleep right before the alarm goes off. Talk about infuriating.
Maternity clothes? I'm in regular shirts, but with most pants, I'm wearing a Belly Band. I did break down and buy a pair of leggings and a pair of work pants. My poor Buckle jeans are long gone. :(
Best moment this week: Hearing the little one's heartbeat again. Strong, steady 160! We also finally let everyone know about the little peanut. Keeping this a secret was torture! Since my mom couldn't tell anyone she knew, she was telling random cashiers when we went Christmas shopping. She even pulled out her iPhone to show them the ultrasound picture... which is the background of her phone. :)
Worst Moment: I really can't come up with anything.
Symptoms: Fortunately, most of the nausea has passed and I'm getting more and more energy back every day. Now I'm getting headaches and stupid Tylenol does. not. work! I'm still avoiding some food, mostly meat. I can really only eat it if it's mixed into something or on a bun. I've eaten a Lean Cuisine or two a day just because I can get some protein, even if I am eating more sodium than usual.
Miss Anything? Picking up my furbabies anytime I want to and not gagging at the smell of eggs. They're AWFUL.
Movement: I know (s)he is moving in there, but I can't feel it yet. I hope the next few weeks fly by so I can feel his/her movement!
Anything making you queasy or sick? The smell of eggs. Gag me.
Gender: I swear, making you wait until week 20 is cruel and unusual punishment.
What is baby up to? Most of his/her critical systems are formed, so (s)he's about to enter the maturation stage, meaning the organs and tissues will grow and develop quickly. His/her reflexes are developing, so if we poked her body, she'd jerk! My favorite part- she's curling her fingers and toes AND (s)he's making the sucking motion with his/her mouth. The brain and kidneys are developing rapidly; (s)he's even beginning to teetee! I think it's cute now, but ask me again after 100 or so diapers.