My First Test of Faith as a Parent

Growing up, when I got in trouble for something, my mom always said, "You'll understand when you're a parent." I got the same response when she requested I call her upon reaching my destination (even my honeymoon!) or she called in a panic because it had been a few days since we had spoken.

I swear, the woman is always right! It wasn't until I found out about Bryson that I understood the concerns that come with having children. The days before our first appointment were filled with doubt. Was I really pregnant? Was our little one okay in there? Between each monthly appointment, those same fears creep in. Am I eating enough or the right things to help him develop correctly? Did the doctors mess up by giving me that antibiotic? Did I just break his foot or whatever's stuck at my hip when I sat down too hard? (Don't make fun- it knocked the wind out of me, so I just knew I crushed toes. Ha)

Yesterday's appointment revealed my first true test of faith as parent.

We went to our appointment excited to see our little guy again. Since we're at 20 weeks, we were going to get to see him for an extended period while they check his heart, brain, spine and kidneys, and check his overall growth.

We spent 30 minutes oooing, aahing and giggling at his movements. Ok, I giggled, Clay just oohed and aahed. He had grown so much in the last 4 weeks and looked like a little monkey. His long legs, toes and arms were so precious and we even got a sneak peek at the 4D images. We learned that our little man is developing quickly. He is measuring a full 8 days ahead. At 20 weeks and 2 days, he's measuring 21 weeks and 3 days and already weighs a pound!

At the end of the ultrasound, I asked the tech how everything looked. Her response put me on a roller coaster of emotion. She started off by saying that everything looked great, and then said he has choroid plexus cysts on his brain. She continued by saying they see these in 1 of every 4 babies and typically go away by week 28, but that didn't make me feel better. Common or not, I don't want them on my precious baby! I wanted them gone IMMEDIATELY!

I took a few minutes to read a little about the cysts. The choroid plexus is an area of the brain that isn't involved in thinking or personality, but is responsible for making a fluid that protects and nourishes the brain and spinal cord. Basically, a choroid plexus cyst (CPD) is a fluid-filled space in that area of the brain. They can vary in size and shape and can be on one or both sides of the brain.

Regardless of how many there are and their size or shape, they're generally harmless if they are not accompanied by any other abnormalities. If there are other abnormalities, the cysts could indicate Trisomy 18.

As a human, it's easy to focus more on the last sentence instead of the positives. I won't pretend I didn't worry a little after reading that, but as a Christian, I am told not to worry.

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

I began praying and was reminded that God's got this under control! Since that reminder a mere hour after learning about the cysts, my attitude has changed. I'm not worrying about those cysts. I'm not worrying about this pregnancy. My God has those cysts in His hand. He has my little man in His hand. As concerned as I am for Bryson and his development, God is even more so because He loves him even more than I do!

When we go in for our 28 week appointment, not only will we get to see our little man again, but we WILL hear the words that the cysts are no more. God alone has the ability to remove them and I have faith that He will.

When I got pregnant, I gave Bryson back to God. After all, he belongs to God and God is just asking Clay and me to raise him. This test is inevitably the first of many, but with God's help, we'll get through every one. Only with God can you walk through fire without getting burned.

Your prayers for our little guy are greatly appreciated. In two months, you'll see God answered them. Just wait!