My Forever Valentine

I'm THAT girl.

You know the one- the child who cooks supper in her plastic kitchen and sets the table for two: herself and her imaginary husband.  The little girl who cradles her baby doll while singing it it sleep and telling her imaginary husband how perfect it is.

I knew at an early age that love was something I wanted.   I often had daydreams of what my adult life would look like.  I pictured the adoring husband, happy kids, loyal dog and white picket fence. I could never see my husband or children's faces, but they were always so beautiful.

Growing up in church, I learned what true love is.  When you first hear the story of Jesus and what He did for us, you know what love is.  When God's sacrifice truly hits home and touches your heart, you know what love is.  When the magnitude of that sacrifice truly touched me for the first time, it changed the way I thought about everything, including my future family.

The older I got, the more mature my fantasies became.  I still imagined my family, but those dreams became more realistic.  One Sunday evening at youth group, we divided into male and female groups and discussed finding the person God made for each of us.  That night, reality hit me like a ton of bricks and my view of my future husband changed completely.

That night, I wrote a letter to my future husband.   I can see it in my mind- purple ink on unlined paper, and well, slanted because who can write on unlined paper??  That night, I began to pray for my future husband- not that God would bring him to me because I knew He would, but that He would protect him in the trying teenager years and would mold him into  the man He intended him to be.  I was only in 7th grade, but had a clear perspective.

A few years later, I kissed dating goodbye.  Reading the book changed my dating life.  Throughout the remainder of my school years, I was very picky about who I dated.  That meant most weekends were spent at home while my friends were at the movies with new guys, but to me, dating just to have something to do wasn't worth it.  I dated sporadically, and at one point, thought briefly that I had found a potential match.  He wasn't who God had in mind.  While that realization hurt at the time, God gently reminded me that His plan is ALWAYS better than mine.  Boy, was he right!

At times, pledging myself to a man that still had no face in my dreams and whose name I didn't know was HARD.  When it got tough, I found myself cuddling up with a [lined] piece of paper and penning another letter.

March 8, 2008 was a day that changed my life, and the day that God showed me His promises are good, even if they seem to take forever to come to fruition.  That's the day I met the man God had created with me in mind, the man who would give me the most beautiful baby boy ever (totally not biased) and who would love me the way God intended me to be loved.

March 17, 2008

I can remember that night in vivid detail.  I was with my friend, Shannon, eating dessert pizza and drinking chocolate martinis (hello, sugar high!).  I walked outside and saw Clay against the rail.  He was in jeans and a dark purple Polo.  I should have noticed his eyes or smile first, but his arms caught my eye immediately.

As I typed that, I felt like God laughed.  He built Clay and put those guns on him for me.  Bwahaha.

Memorial Day 2008

My relationship with Clay blossomed quickly and was always so easy.  Conversation flowed with no awkward pauses and we had a lot in common.  (Too bad football loyalty is not one of them)  He kept me laughing and on my toes. I could let my guard down and just be myself.  He held my hand when we walked beside each other, and his hugs made me feel more secure than any ever had.  I missed him when we weren't together and wanted time with him daily.  Seeing him gave me butterflies, and even a kiss on the forehead left me breathless.  He became my sounding board and a shoulder to lean on.  Even though his Facebook-appointed title was boyfriend, it was far too shallow to describe what he was to me.  He was so much more- he was my best friend.  Within weeks, I knew that He was the one I had been praying so long for.

And then trouble hit.

Less than 5 months in, our relationship turned rocky overnight.  The next 16 months were tough.  We spent days arguing through text and nights fighting in person.  We broke up, got back together, broke up then hung out as "friends."  That always resulted in getting back together and repeating the vicious cycle many times over.  There were hurt feelings, lies, tears, anger, disappointment and distrust on both sides.  Through it all, we both felt like we were supposed to be together, but just could not make it work.  In November 2009, we called it quits for good.

(Yeah right.  Try to tell God you're changing His plan and see how He works.)

For the next month, we barely spoke.  We didn't see each other.  At all.

I jumped into two small groups and immersed myself in God and new friends.  I opened up about our issues to people I could trust so I could get clarity on the situation and to allow my heart to heal.  I specifically remember telling my friend, Amanda, about it.  While I don't remember the words she spoke, I remember the feeling that came over me.  Her words were divinely chosen and breathed new life into me.  A weight was immediately lifted from my shoulders and the hard shell around my heart began to crack and fall off.  When the conversation ended, I felt renewed, which is something I had wanted for so long.

Just two weeks after talking with Amanda, I saw Clay again.  The love I had for him was still there, but I was surprised that none of the other feelings- resentment, anger, distrust, sadness, guilt- were.  We spent the next year rebuilding our relationship.  God confirmed many times what we had known all along- that we were right where we belonged.  He used whatever means necessary to speak to us: friends, family and even movies.  Thinking back, I am so amazed at how quickly God was able to mend us when we just gave up and laid our problems at His feet.  What we couldn't resolve in 16 months took him no time.

In May 2011, I wrote to my future husband one more time.  I bundled it with the letters I had written previously, and on June 4, 2011, he finally got to read them right before I walked down to the aisle to become his wife.





We've been married for over 2.5 years now.  Our lives have changed so much since the day we met.  College classes have been replaced with jobs, and crazy professors with crazy coworkers.  Afternoons at the pool are now spent with floaties and squirt toys.  Date night conversation usually centers around the funny things Bryson did that day and how much we miss him already.  I still set the table for 2, but also pull up a highchair and we arm ourselves against food flying from all directions.  If we stay in for a movie night, it's usually produced by Disney and is interrupted by milk runs and diaper changes.  

Through all the change, a lot has remained the same.  I still get butterflies when I see him, especially when he's playing with our son.  His arms are still the safest place to be.  I miss him when we aren't together and anxiously await the end of the day when we're reunited.  He's still the first person I run to when I need to talk or need help.  Unfortunately, he's also still an Auburn fan.  Above all, he is still my best friend, my soulmate and the answer to hundreds of prayers.

Looking back at the fantasies of my childhood, my life doesn't compare.  I didn't get the things I daydreamed about, wished upon stars for, or the things I prayed about.  I got abundantly more.  Those elaborate childhood fantasies pale in comparison to reality.

Clay, 

I thank God for loving me more than I deserve, and for giving me more than I could have ever imagined.  You are so much more than I could have even asked for- I never would have even been able to dream up someone so perfect for me.  I am so thankful that it's you that God chose to be my partner in life.  We've been through so much already and I'm looking forward to many more years of adventures, firsts, lasts and everything in between.  I love you so much.  U=my<3

Goodbye, My Girl.

"Dogs aren't our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” 

Monday started just like any other day.  I snoozed my alarm the  typical 30+ minutes and stumbled out of bed groggily to take the girls out.  We reached the door and the cold air hit me like a ton of bricks.  After Bailey and Jenna were outside, I turned around to begin to get ready for the day.

As usual, five minutes later, the girls weren’t quite ready to come in, but Jenna came running when she heard the food hit the bowl.  She rushed past me, but Bailey was still taking her merry time, as usual.  I turned around to head back to our bedroom, but decided to peek out and see where Bailey was.

That’s how some of the worst few hours of my life began.

As I peered out in the yard, I spotted Bailey on her side in the wet grass.  This is a dog that doesn’t like to step on wet grass, so I knew she wasn’t lying there willingly.  I ran out there, scooped her up and ran in, screaming to Clay to close the door so Jenna wouldn’t get out.  My heart simultaneously raced and jumped into my throat.

As she lay on the bedroom floor, I sobbed and shook and watched in horror as her breathing slowed down and became more labored.  I called the vet to figure out where to take her, and within minutes, had her on a blanket in my Jeep and was flying down the road, hazard lights.

I kept one hand on her the whole time and she lifted her head often, thankful for my touch.  As we neared Birmingham, she regained some energy and stood up to look out the window.  We flew into the emergency clinic parking lot and I ran in carrying her.  I had called to let them know we were on the way, so they were waiting to grab her from me.

I alternated between sitting and standing in the waiting room until they called me back.  The veterinarian said she was stable, her heart rate was normal and she was standing.  They were closing in less than an hour, and since she wasn’t in critical condition, decided to just keep on eye on her until our vet opened.

At 7:40, she was still doing well.  She was rather lethargic, but still looked more like herself, so we drove to her regular vet.  They had also been informed that we were coming, so we were ushered back quickly.  Upon arrival, her temperature was only 98 degrees, which is pretty low for a canine, so she was placed on a heating pad.

The doctor came in roughly 30 minutes later.  My first concern was when she listened to Bailey’s heart.  She didn’t say a word.  After the initial exam, she took her for x-rays, bloodwork and an ultrasound.  After nearly an hour, Bailey was back in the room, but I hadn’t seen the vet.  That’s when I looked up and saw her with a doctor on each side discussing something on the papers in her hand.  All three had looks of concern on their faces.  I tried to steady myself for the news to come, but nothing could have prepared me.

When the vet entered the room, she closed the doors that had been open the whole time.  She began telling me the prognosis.  She had a very large mass on the left side.  It was so big that it was pushing her stomach and spleen entirely to the right.  She also had fluid around her heart.  Once I was able to calm myself and really absorb what she was saying, we began to discuss treatment options.

While we were there, they could drain the fluid around her heart and do an echo to determine the cause, whether it was a tumor or heart disease.  Depending on the outcome of the echo, we may have been able to schedule a rather lengthy surgery to remove the mass. 

I spoke to the doctor in length about the potential dangers and effectiveness of surgery.  We discussed in great detail what the procedure would consist of, and what the long-term treatment would require.  I wanted to be fully informed so I could call Clay to fill him in, but mostly, to ensure we made the right decision regarding her care.  The echo would tell us what we were dealing with, but it could be painful to remove the fluid.  If we did the surgery to remove the mass, she may not even make it through the anesthesia because of her age, and if she did make it through surgery, it may not be successful, again because of her age.

When I called Clay, he made it clear that it was my decision to make and that if I chose to go through with the treatment, we would do whatever it took to get her well.  Together, we made the hardest decision I have ever had to make.  I had to decide to let my longtime companion go to Doggy Heaven. 

“Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as
 deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.”

Upon making the decision, Clay left work to be with me.  My mom left work as well to say her goodbyes.  On her way, she stopped and got Bailey her favorite snack, a rotisserie chicken.  After getting off the phone with them, I pulled Bailey and her towel to the floor and laid down with her.  We spent the next few minutes “talking” about the things she had done to get Jenna in trouble and reminiscing over our time together.  I went from crying to laughing at things she had done. 

My mom arrived first and I explained the situation.  She had a few minutes with Bailey, then we got out the chicken.  As lethargic as Bailey was, she knew when I had opened the chicken.  She’s never been the most patient thing in the world.  I’m surprised she didn’t take a finger off!  She usually has to share the skin of the chicken with Jenna, but got every morsel to herself, and even got some of the meat Daddy never shares!

Clay arrived while she was enjoying her snack, and he spent a few minutes with her.  We called the doctor in and within a minute or two, she slipped through the pearly doggy door. 

From the time I found her in the yard to the time we left with her in a casket was less than 5 hours.  It hit me like a Mack truck: hard and with no warning.  The day before, she ate like normal and showed no signs of distress.

We went home and Clay brought her bed in and I grabbed one of her blankets.  We went outside and Jenna and I supervised as Clay dug a hole.  We put the bed in, then covered her with her pink paw print blankie.  Before we covered the grave, we sat around it in silence.  Jenna sniffed the box and scooted over to sit in my lap. 

It’s now Friday and we’ve made it through our first few days.  I’ve had meltdowns when I’ve gotten two snacks out of habit, and when I noticed a framed picture on my desk at work.  I even cried when Clay took his shirt off to get in bed and it stayed there instead of being made into a bed.  Each time Bryson calls out “Baaaaailey,” my heart breaks a little.  I know he’s actually calling Jenna because she’s his BFF and he thinks all dogs are Baileys, but knowing that doesn’t make it hurt any less.  Yesterday, I realized that Bryson wouldn't remember Bailey, so now when he calls her name, I tell him something about her.  It's been great therapy to my heart to share her quirks, silly behavior, smart things she's done and even what a brat she was at times.

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” 

Bay has been my constant companion for over 12 years.  She’s licked away many tears and kept me company when I’ve moved to a new city.  She’s made me laugh with her hyper running and jumping, and has amazed me with how incredibly intelligent she was.  She's cracked me up when she did her prairie dog sit in front of an unsuspecting person with food... and weaseled a bite every time.  I've been amazed at her skill to do the "Bailey Curse" and make a team lose to Alabama (ask the '09 Tennessee team- that was all her). She’s been an important part of my life, but also of Jenna’s. They didn't hit it off immediately, but eventually, loved each other like they were really sisters. 

Jenna has never really been alone, but has done great this week while we've been at work.  She seems to be very sad, but is getting the royal treatment.  Bailey even sent the remainder of her chicken home to her. 

When my first dog passed away, I said I would never get another one.  I think the same thing now, but I know deep down that the pain I feel right now pales in comparison to the joy Bailey brought to my life.  She will be dearly missed, but my memories are strong and will last longer than the pain.  One day, I will look at a picture and laugh about her excited expression instead of burst out in tears.  One day, I will tell Bryson about his oldest sister and how excited she was to meet him.  One day, I’ll be covered in sloppy wet kisses and rub her hairy little belly when we meet again at the Rainbow Bridge.

"Such short little lives our pets have to spend with us, and they spend most of it waiting for us to come home each day.  It is amazing how much love and laughter they bring into our lives and even how much closer we become with each other because of them." - John Grogan, Marley and Me: Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

Two months ago today, I learned of your existence. As I try to describe the flood of emotions, I find myself at a loss for words. I'll admit it- the first was panic. While your Daddy and I have dreamed of you, you were arriving a bit earlier than we expected (you take after me and not your Daddy in that aspect). When my nerves settled, I got giggly. You'll inevitably see this emotion from me plenty of times. No matter the emotion I'm feeling, I feel it deeply... and wear it on my sleeve. Before I even told your Daddy about you, I was already picturing your cute little mouth and eyes the color of your Daddy's.

Speaking of your Daddy, when he found out, he started glowing. It makes me tear up every time I think of his reaction to the news. I was in tears, thinking he'd be concerned about your early arrival, but he got a big, goofy grin. He's an incredible, incredible man and will be an amazing Dad. He talks about you all the time and when he gets home from work, he rubs my belly and talks to you. He is so smitten already and you're still less than 3 inches long!

Your Daddy's smile was even bigger!

My lifelong dream has always been to have a family.  I've had the typical girl fantasies of a handsome husband, well-behaved kids, a dog or two and a home with a fenced backyard.  Growing up, I played house with my neighbors and cousins and I had more "life-like" baby dolls than any girl ever should.  I nursed boo boos, made up bedtime stories, and went on dates with my imaginary husband.

In June 2011, part one of that fantasy came true when I married your Daddy.  As you'll see in these posts, our relationship hasn't been perfect, but it was perfect for us.  We fought hard for our relationship and God intervened at the right time to ensure our union.  While we had a rough few months, it was all worth it because we learned how to communicate, how important our love for one another was, and most importantly, how important God's role in a relationship is.  When we got married, we had the dogs and the house, so all that was missing was you!  We had planned to wait to try for you until spring/summer of 2012, but God had other plans.

In all my daydreaming, I never went past the ideal scenario and considered what my fantasies entailed.  A marriage takes work- it takes a real commitment and genuine love for one another, learning to live with what you see as flaws in the other person (you know, leaving dirty socks in the middle of the floor or thinking every knick-knack in the house has a PRECISE spot), and being the person your mate needs and wants you to be.  Through our struggles, we learned how to deal with so many things, but marriage is definitely a never-ending lesson and one that I'm enjoying more than I ever imagined.

In regard to you, I didn't really consider the sleepless nights or the expense of diapers and daycare.  I never considered how my actions would affect you.  I thought about the adorable clothes and your toothless grins, the cute nursery and how good babies smell.  After all, this was a fantasy- who wanted to think of the hard stuff? Now that we're just 6 months away from meeting you, those thoughts are creeping in.  I can't believe it, but this lazy ol' bum is excited about all the work.  Sure, I hope you miraculously sleep through the night (bonus points if you're born potty trained), but since chances of that are slim, I look forward to the hours we'll spend cuddled together while I sing you to sleep (thank God that you won't remember this time and therefore, won't be terrified of my voice), changing diapers (or laughing as Daddy does it), and changing your clothes for the 4th time in one day. I realize that while I'm doing the not-so-pleasant things, I will also be watching you as you discover your little fingers and toes, seeing you smile for the first time and take your first steps.

Since we got married, Daddy and I have been talking about the aspects of our raising that we want our children to learn and the things we may do differently.  The closer we get to your arrival, the more I think of these things.  I realized last week that so many things I do and think are products of my raising and when a friend had a hard time, I was able to point to something in her childhood that produced the behavior.  I'll be honest here again- that scared me to death!  Your Daddy had a good point when I voiced my concerns: he and I were raised in similar fashions by great parents and with role models like that, we have patterns to repeat and a strong support system.  No, I don't know how we'll actually handle certain parenting situations because we've never done it and each kiddo is different, but I do know that we'll do everything in our power to make your life a great one.

I am probably beginning to babble because there is so much I want to say to you.  I will leave you with this: you are already loved so much, by Daddy and me, but also by your grandparents and our families.  Your Daddy and I have some awesome friends who are just as anxious about meeting you as we are.  More importantly, God loves you more than any of us could ever fathom.  He has ordained your life for something special and your Daddy and I have already given you back to Him.  Since you are God's child and we were chosen to raise you, we will rely heavily on God's direction.  While we make mistakes in our lives and will in yours, please know that we consider you in every move we make and are doing our very best to mold you into a great man or woman of God.

We love you and can't wait to meet you!

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

PS. I'm adding these photos in for reference of all the people who are excited about your arrival.  Before you see the pictures, let me explain.  Facebook is a social networking site that's used by millions.  By the time you read my blog posts and this letter, chances are good that Facebook will only be found in history books.  You post something and all of your online friends can see.  They can choose to respond or just "like" what you have to say.  Just announcing your arrival made a lot of people really happy.





Every time I post about you, whether it's hearing your perfect little heartbeat or a picture of something that belongs to you, people go nuts!  You're a popular kiddo already and it makes this mommy very proud!

2011 Recap

December 31, 1989 was a bittersweet day for me. I recall asking my mom if 1989 would ever come back because it was my favorite year. I was so sad to learn that 1989 was in the books and would become my past. I feel the same way about 2011. It's been an amazing year, full of growth and changes in me and my life.

First and foremost, I married the love of my life on June 4. When I met Clay, I knew I'd marry him. Of course, my faith waned on occasion because of some issues (post 1, post 2, post 3) but in the end, God rewarded our obedience to Him and we FINALLY got hitched! Waiting on our time was hard, especially since my family always hinted that they thought I'd never get married. In the end, I'm so glad I waited on the man God had for me. I couldn't ask for anyone better!

I've spent the majority of my life with the typical girl mentality- girls are drama and guys are much easier to get along with. Until 2008, I had 2 girl friends who I knew would be there no matter what. Because I wanted to honor my relationship with Clay, I needed to rethink my friendships and began praying that God would bring me more girl friends. I now have a handful of quality girl friends- girls that pray with and for me, that I can spend countless hours with and conversation and laughter never stop. This year, I learned who my real friends are and I'm seriously blessed by them!

Through the tornadoes of April 27, I learned that a state divided by a heated football rivalry can come together in awesome ways when neighbors are in need. As I mentioned in an earlier post, my hometown, Cullman, and my college town, Tuscaloosa, were hit by catastrophic tornadoes on that day. I watched hundreds of people from all over the country pour into cities all over the state, removing debris, wiping tears, feeding babies and building houses. I saw the Auburn and Kent State football teams pitch in to help their on-the-field foes in rebuilding the lives and hope of the city. Most of all, I saw God's love poured out from stranger to stranger and people literally becoming the hands and feet of Jesus.

As I mentioned on my last post, my cousin Drew was in a horrific accident. Through what could have been a terrible tragedy, I saw my family draw closer together and Drew gain a new attitude. He knows God's hand was on Him and the plan for His life must be awesome! I love hearing his new positive outlook on life and every situation.

I thought I knew love before this year. After all, I have a relationship with God, am head over heels in love with my husband, and love my friends and family with every fiber of my being. Until I saw our sweet baby and heard his/her little heartbeat on November 28, I had never know a love so deep. I haven't met this child yet, but already love him/her so much it's unreal.

Alabama is back in the national championship game after a tough year. Sure, we won't know the outcome until 2012, but it's the 2011 season and the season is definitely worth mentioning, win or lose. Roll Tide!

Chili Dogs and PopTarts.

As the title suggests, my diet has been all over the map as of late. Until today, I haven't had a hot dog in years. And Pop Tarts? I've never seen anything special about a ton of artificial fruit flavor wrapped in tons of sugar. That is until I got pregnant!!!

You read right! Clay and I are expecting our first child!



On November 5, I felt terrible from nausea and a bit of fatigue. I casually took a home pregnancy test, mostly to make myself feel better. I'm not going to lie- when the positive popped up in the test window, I freaked out. I waited until the next day to tell Clay. After all, I had only taken one test and I needed at least three more, right?!

On November 28, we had our first ultrasound. It was then that our lives were changed forever. Clay stood next to me as we got the first look at our new little love. At only 7 weeks and 6 days, (s)he had a heartbeat of 173. Seeing the little heart beating on the screen took my breath away. When the ultrasound tech flipped on the speakers and I heard the soft thud, thud, thud of my baby's heart, tears flowed freely down my face. I looked at Clay and his eyes were full of awe and a smile spread across his face.



Each Tuesday, we follow along with our baby's progress. Today is 12 weeks and our precious little prince(ss) is wiggling his/her fingers and toes and making the sucking motion with his/her mouth. It's awesome to know that our baby is completely formed at only 2-3 inches long, and knowing it's doing baby things like playing and sucking makes me giddy.

We had our first follow-up appointment today. The sweet little heartbeat was a steady, strong 160 and my pregnancy is going perfectly.

While I don't necessarily feel pregnant [now that the nausea and extreme fatigue have dissipated], it's amazing to see the changes in my body and how quickly the the baby is growing. If I didn't believe in God before, there's no way I could ignore His presence after this experience. God designed such a miraculous, complex system to bring new lives into this world. Fortunately, I have known God my entire life and this experience is bringing me closer to him and my husband. Through God alone, we will make it through this pregnancy and the parenting experience. We are both looking so forward to the journey and are so glad we have THE guide to help us along the path.

PS. For the record (mostly Clay's), those are whole wheat buns and fat free turkey dogs. Of course, they were only ingested after working out. :)

Blessed Beyond Measure

With Thanksgiving approaching, I am contemplating the blessings in my life. I am always aware of many of the blessings, but searching for something else to thank God for each day of the month really makes me look for things I don't see every day of my life.

I challenge you all to take a moment each day this month to look into your life and thank God for the abundant blessings He's poured out for you.

To catch up, here is my list.

Day 1: I am eternally thankful for my God, who loves me no matter how big of a brat I am. I have done some things in my life that I regret, that make me wonder where my head was, and definitely things I knew God would not like. Even so, He washed those things from my past, choosing not to remember. He looks past my imperfections to see my potential. Now, THAT, my friends, is love.

Day 2: My husband is incredible and so much more than I ever expected. I had little heart "breaks" along the road of life, but Clay leaves me wondering why I ever gave anyone else a second glance.

This is the song I walked down the aisle to. It's one of my favorites of all time and describes exactly how I feel: God aligned our lives to fit His plan for us and Clay is exceedingly more than I could ask for.
"You're my unfathomable precious unimaginable joy
And you're exceedingly and abundantly more than I could ask for
With your hand in mine, we will pass through time and space
And every second, every minute, every hour of every day, I'll say
My unfailing love for you will not be moved."

"He tells a story of a King coming in glory and He is
And that same Man who devised that plan united ours with His
And so hand in hand, we will walk with Him as our two become as one
And all the promises He promises to us He promises will never be undone."



Day 3: My mom was only 19 and in a marriage to a man who wasn't ready to be a husband or dad when she had me. She worked hard to ensure I had everything I needed. Before I was born, she committed me to the Lord, telling Him she knew I was His child and He was giving her the opportunity to raise me for Him. She's taken this approach throughout my life, teaching me about God and leading me to Him when I need advice or instruction.

For instance, when I was in ninth grade, I tried out for color guard, and to my surprise, made it. During band camp that summer, there was a move I could not get. I felt defeated and spent a few hours in the locker room of the middle school gym crying. When I told my mom I felt like I needed to quit, she told me to pray about it. I took her advice and when I went back to the yard with my flag, I nailed it! Because of that, I don't only believe "practice makes perfect," but that "prayer and practice make perfect."

Day 4: My family is too big to list individually, but I have been blessed beyond measure in this department. My grandparents are the rocks that hold our family together. My grandmother is one of my best friends and definitely my favorite shopping buddy. I love that she calls me Pewinkle; it just makes me feel so special! My granddaddy is serious when he needs to be, but most of the time, he's cracking jokes. He's one of the funniest people I've ever met! I have great aunts and uncles that are there when I need them. I have 10 cousins on my mom's side, all of which I love so much. I'm right in the middle of all the cousins, so I feel like I'm especially close to all of them. I think of 3 of my cousins, Trisha, Abbie, and Jayme, more like sisters than cousins.

Being that I grew up in North Carolina and my parents were divorced, I didn't get much time with my dad's side of the family. While I talked to my grandmother a good bit, I didn't have a relationship with the majority of the family. I loved them and knew they loved me, but I never rarely saw them and talked to them even less seldom. When my dad was in ICU in 2008, I realized I had to build relationships with him and his side of the family. I hate that my dad had to suffer such pain (story later) in order for us to begin piecing together a relationship, but since he's a-okay, I'm so thankful God repaired hearts and began working between us.

Day 5: I realize I've already discussed family, but now, I'm part of another family: Clay's! So many people have problems with their in-laws, but I'm so grateful I don't fit in that category. His dad and stepmom have made me feel like part of the family since the day I met them. It's comfortable for me and feels like home away from home. Clay's mom is precious and tells me she loves me each time we talk. His brother and sister are awesome and so are all of their kids. I am so, so blessed to be a part of the family!

Day 6: Dogs are generally useless, unless you're a farmer and have a shepherd or have a dog that would actually protect your house instead of licking an intruder to death. I, for one, do not have a dog that fits in to either category, but these two little girls are two of the most precious creatures alive. When I'm sick, I can depend on a black, furry nurse and when I'm upset, I have a tan, furry buddy to lick away tears. There's nothing greater than the feeling of coming home to two "people" who are excited to see you. The little quirks in their personalities and the silly little things they do bring so much joy to my life.

Day 7: After a bout with identity theft, I am even more grateful for my car. I was able to buy a car for myself last July. I never thought that day would come when I first checked my credit in 2008 to find someone had racked up over $8,000 of debt for me and had even attempted to buy a car.

So, what are you thankful for?

The Deadliest Day

On the morning of Wednesday, April 27, I awoke with a start. There was a loud BANG outside my window that startled me from sleep and suddenly I was aware of the incessant clinking of the wind chime on the patio. I jerked the cord on the blinds, expecting to see someone in our back yard. Instead, I was unable to see anything. The wind and rain outside my window are so intense that not even the big weeping willow tree 20 feet from the house is visible. When it finally comes in sight, the top branches are bent at such a sharp angle that they're almost parallel to the ground.

A mere 10 minutes later, the wind died down and the rain calmed. Clay and I rushed outside to see if there's any damage from the winds. What we see is astounding. The heavy patio furniture was tossed like rag dolls all over the yard and the entire neighborhood is littered with wood from broken fences, shingles, and even stray garbage cans. We discovered the loud bang in our back yard was our 5' long, super heavy grill being tossed across the yard.

After securing our belongings and inspecting our house, we drove around the neighborhood. Just thinking about the things we saw brings tears to my eyes. There were gaping holes in roofs, windows blown out, fences completely missing, doors blown off their hinges, and houses missing siding and brick. We were very fortunate because our only loss was a grill. None of the shingles littering our subdivision belonged to us.

Within the hour, we learned that a EF-1 tornado had torn through our tiny little town. The path was evident- it had gone down our side of the neighborhood, missing only our house. One man in Moody had been killed.

At the time, I didn't really blog. I want to take the time now, on the six-month anniversary of the tornadoes, to recount that day.

Thinking it was safe, Clay and I went to work. He got to work pretty easily, but the Cahaba Heights area had been hit by a tornado at the same time as the Moody tornado, so they had no power or phones (and to top it off, his iPhone was broken, so communication was impossible). As I neared downtown, my boss called me and told me to go home. She was unable to get out of her house in Cahaba Heights and didn't want to risk me being out with the threat of worse weather.

James Spann, a very popular meteorologist in our area, warned that this was just the tip of the iceberg and to expect "a very bad day." Still now, 6 months later, I can hear those words ringing in my ears and the thought sends chills down my spine.

I went home and began working on wedding favors. Shortly thereafter, Clay arrived, safe and sound. He immediately turned on the news and there is no talk of local news or sports. Where anchormen typically sit, meteorologists are everywhere, warning people to seek shelter and secure their belongings. Being that we live in tornado alley, we're used to these warnings and usually brush them off. The urgency in their voices and actions caught my attention. I tried to occupy my time keeping busy, but then I heard the name of my hometown on the news.

I sat in front of the TV watching a camera that was posted on the water tower in Cullman. I am very familiar with the area, as my uncle has worked in the water tower for more than a decade. I watched the horizon turn from a calm, ugly, gray to a disastrous, gray funnel. As the tornado formed, James Spann commented on where the tornado was going. As he spoke, I was able to determine what it was hitting... and destroying. The first picture of the destruction was my home church, First United Methodist Church of Cullman. The church was built in 1923 and was constructed of stone. Beautiful stained glass windows encompassed the church.
BEFORE

AFTER



Cullman had a ton of damage from sustaining the winds of 6+ tornadoes, including one EF-5. Many decades old business were destroyed and hundreds of people were forced to rebuild their homes and piece together their lives. Fortunately, God's hand was over the county because no one lost their life. Buildings can be rebuilt and vehicles replaced.

This is the back of the house I grew up in. It stood in the historic district as it was built in the early 1900's. The building to the right is the garage and garage apartment, which was my playroom. The house was torn down after slipping from its foundation.

Roughly three hours later, they cut to a shot of Tuscaloosa, where I went to college. The town is another one that is dear to my heart. Clay and I hear Spann say there's a tornado on the horizon and think it must be a small one because we can't see it. That's when they zoom the camera out and it's obvious the entire horizon is a tornado. They estimated this tornado was a mile and a half wide when it came into Tuscaloosa.



This video will show a little of what we saw.


The tornado ripped through heavy commercial and residential areas. Thousands of people lost everything they had. Forty-one people were killed, including 6 students at the University of Alabama. While the damage is terrible, it would have been much greater had the EF-4 tornado hit the University of Alabama, where many students live or had sought shelter from the storm.

Driving through Tuscaloosa is almost unbearable. Where buildings once housed businesses I frequented in college, there is now piles of wood and brick. It's hard to even remember what stood where. Clay's best friends from high school lost their house, but were protected by a parking deck at the hospital. A member of our football team huddled in a closet with his girlfriend, his arms wrapped tightly around her. The house was picked up and rolled over half a mile, throwing everyone out. He suffered broken bones and his girlfriend was killed. Clay's college roommate's best friend lost her life.

This site has satellite images of before and after pictures. You can drag the blue bar between the two sides to see the full picture before and after.


Krispy Kreme was destroyed.


15th Street, before and after


A better view of 15th Street, which used to be a thriving area, full of buildings. These buildings blocked the view from McFarland Blvd to DCH Hospital. Now you can see the hospital as soon as you get on McFarland.


A small shopping center at the corner of McFarland and 15th. Everything was destroyed (including the tux shop that we ordered the tuxes for part of wedding party at. Eep!)

The tornado moved out of Tuscaloosa after what seemed like an eternity and headed toward Birmingham. Meteorologists warned that it would hit downtown, which would have been a major hit to our city. At the last minute, it turned and hit Pleasant Grove and surrounding areas. These areas were completely destroyed. The path continued East, where Clay and I were. James Spann warned it was either going to hit Trussville or Moody.

With no underground shelter to go to, we reverted to the lesson that you get in a closet in the innermost part of your house. We began stacking pillows in our guest bathroom. We practiced getting ourselves and the girls in the linen closet so if we had to do it, we'd know how to position ourselves and wouldn't freak Jenna out too bad. We put our shoes on and put all important papers in my purse, which stayed on my shoulder. We put harnesses on the girls and leashes were in the closet so they could be attached quickly. Fortunately, the tornado headed toward Trussville, where it lifted off the ground. After moving past Trussville, it hit the ground again and stayed there as it passed through northern Georgia.

The 2011 Super Outbreak, which spanned from April 25 to April 28, affected the Southern, Midwestern and Northeastern parts of the country. Over 336 tornadoes touched down in 21 states. An estimated 346 people were killed nationwide. April 27 was the deadliest tornado day since 1925 with 292 tornadoes on the ground in 16 states.

Like I said, we live in tornado alley in north/west Alabama. We hear a lot of tornado warnings but are very accustomed to thinking meteorologists are crying wolf. Now, many Alabamians shudder at the sound of thunder and get nervous when wind swirls leaves in the street. The thought of a thunderstorm sending blood pressure through the roof.

I had always had empathy for those affected by nature's devastation, but you don't understand the real impact until it happens to you. Fortunately, my family and friends were not included in the loss of life statistic.

April 27, 2011 is a day that will live with me forever. I saw mass destruction and felt so many emotions. I cried... a lot. I still cry when I see pictures or discuss the events of the day. My tears come for many reasons: the destruction is heartbreaking and I feel for those who lost so much.

Most of all, I cry because of the blessings that came in disguise. God spared my family and friends and for that, I am eternally grateful. Our communities have banded together in such a way that many towns have been completely cleared of debris and rebuilding efforts have begun. FEMA came into Tuscaloosa two weeks after the disaster and were blown away by the progress. They stated that in two weeks, more had been done in Alabama than was done in 6 months after Katrina. Good ol' boys got to work and got things going!

My emotions go into overload when fences come down. Auburn and Kent State football players have come down to help with cleanup and rebuilding. Auburn fans actually built a website, Toomer's for Tuscaloosa, that connected thousands of volunteers from all over the country to our cities in need. They have been responsible for organizing one of the largest efforts and been so much help.

Six months have passed since that terrible day and so much progress has been made, but there is still so much to be done. Your prayers are greatly appreciated.

One lesson so many of us have learned- don't ever take anything for granted. Enjoy your possessions, but don't forget they're just things and are fleeting. Instead of holding material possessions dear, make those things that matter, like friends and family, a priority. You could wake up on any given day without them.

Thank you, Lord, for your protection, for keeping my friends and family safe. Thank you for the lessons learned and for the people who have unselfishly given their time and resources to help complete strangers in need. You're in control of rebuilding- of lives and buildings- and I can't wait to see what you have in store!

Far More Valuable Than Diamonds

As a woman, there is a lot of pressure: to be desirable, you have to have the toned legs and belly of an airbrushed runway model; to succeed in the workplace, you must overcome your gender and claw your way up the corporate ladder; to succeed as a mother, your children must have good manners and earn good grades; to be a good wife, you have to don your apron and make June Cleaver look like a scrub!

While I don't feel a part of my purpose is to crawl up the corporate ladder, I know part of it is to be a good wife... and I have moments where I feel like I'm not living up to potential. I have been in the pressure cooker lately and at times, I feel like my head may explode.

I am one of those weird people who has a precise spot for everything and can tell, down to the millimeter, if something's been moved. I detest clutter and am thrilled by a freshly organized cabinet. I grew up in a household that boasted squeaky clean baseboards and remote controls wrapped in Ziploc bags (yes, I'm serious). While I'm not THAT bad, very little makes me happier than going to bed on crisp, clean sheets in a freshly cleaned home.

With that being said, I married a man who is fine with leaving soiled plates on the counter for days and whose idea of organizing is leaving his shoes in one place on the floor and towels in another. Needless to say, keeping our home maintained in a fashion I find suitable is difficult. I don't need a spotless house, but I do want it to be presentable. I have really had to learn to chill out my OCD tendencies.

Last week, I came home in an extremely foul mood. I'm surprised that no living being turned to stone when my eyes locked on their's. When I got home, the kitchen sink was overflowing with dishes and there were 2 plates and a cup on the island. This was perplexing since the kitchen had been clean when I left 12 hours earlier. I begrudgingly unloaded the dishwasher and instead of unloading on anyone (even those without opposable thumbs), the silverware really got a talking to.

After venting to the salad forks, I calmed down a little and began a nice conversation with a teapot. Ok, I'm kidding about that, but I did talk to myself and God.



Like everyone reading, I have a lot going on. Along with being a wife, a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, a friend and a puppy mommy, I work full time and run an Etsy shop on the side. I try to take care of myself to control Fibromyalgia symptoms and to look good for my husband. All of this combined makes for one very stressed little girl that watches the clock like a hawk.

It was through the clatter of stainless steel that I had an epiphany and was reminded of the picture of the ideal wife.

"A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treat him generously all her life long. She shops around for the best yarns and cottons...First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking. She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor... When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly. She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive. Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise." Proverbs 31

I believe women are meant to be busy. God granted us with the assets we possess so we can take care of our husbands and family, keep a home running efficiently (and cleanly) and work where necessary to benefit our families. Although the woman described in Proverbs 31, the ideal wife, was busy, she carried out her tasks with grace and was praised for her hard work and positive attitude.

Through my time at the sink, I began to wonder how in the world I would ever learn to balance the busyness of my life? How does someone like me learn to deal with coming home to find a once spotless home covered with crusty dishes and piles of clothes?

I could organize every inch of my house, manage my time with the precision of a football coach (well, just not Les Miles), and clear my schedule of extracurricular activities, but I believe the answer is much more simple. If God gave me the assets to run a home and a family, doesn't it make sense that He would be the one to ask how to use them? The only answer I see is to seek advice and wisdom from the One who made me capable of fitting into the mold of a Proverbs 31 wife.



I'm a new wife and learning to jive my life with another is something I've never had to do. Until June 4, my life was MY life. Now, my life is OUR life. Without God at the center of our marriage, I will undoubtedly feel the heat of that pressure cooker, but with God at the helm, our marriage is built on a Rock and dirty dishes and life's unexpected bumps are already taken care of. We just have to ask. God is for us, even if we're a bit OCD or slobs messy and only He can bring those two idiosyncrasies together in complete harmony.

"Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeing, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Edit: P.S. I would like to add that I once told Clay to run some water on plates and bowls and I would load the dishwasher, thus some of the mess. I told him that the growing pile of dry plates, both in and out of the sink, and skillets bothered me. We came up with a plan together and voila! Crisis diverted. Marriage is a give and take. He does a great job of meeting me halfway and for that, I am grateful. He looks past my OCD ways and loves me all the same!

You Can't Judge a Book by Its Cover

I have a confession to make. I'm a bookaholic. It began at the ripe age of 6, when I began to read Little Women. It was cemented when I got my first medal and bouquet of flowers on the same day. You see, I won Reader of the Year in 2nd grade for reading more pages than the entire school and my Grandmother wanted to reward me for the accomplishment. Not that I like the type of spotlight that comes with such a prestigious award (you know, the kind of attention that leaves you shaking like a leaf and unable to speak in front of hundreds of your peers), but I do like everybody knowing I'm smart. ;)

Regardless of the old cliche, I tend to choose books based off their covers. I want to know what I'm getting myself into before entering the world the author paints on the pages. I'm a sucker for Nicholas Sparks and have read many a Christian fiction or devotion type book. I like some thrillers, but am not big on most trendy books. I have never scoured the pages of Harry Potter or the Twilight series and don't intend to; however, I fell victim to the Hunger Games trilogy (no pun intended).

Fortunately, as people recommended the book to me, I refrained from the typical onslaught of questions: "What's it about?" "Were the characters likable?" "Will the monotony of the first chapter make me want to bang my head against a cement wall?" Ok, so that last question only comes about when someone is talking about Jodi Picoult's books, but I digress...

If I had known what the book was about, I would have never picked it up. In telling a friend about it last night and my appreciation for being naive going in, she jokingly reminded me, "You can't judge a book by its cover." I've always hated that cliche and considered running with the lesson learned, but will abstain from turning this into a deep conversation just this once. Just know I could if I wanted (remember the aforementioned intelligence?). Just be glad you've been spared (just think of me as Thresh if you've read the book).

For now I'm just wondering- what books have read and enjoyed, to your surprise? What are you reading currently?

Ok, enough rambling. Time to get to Catching Fire. Have a wonderful day friends!

Our Fairytale: The Engagment

Clay and I began discussing marriage again in July 2010. The discussions heated up when he brought up the idea of looking at rings so he would clearly understand my taste. While I would have loved whatever he got, I'm so glad he wanted my input. His idea of the perfect ring is slightly different from mine.

I waited 5 excruciating months for the big day to arrive.

In the week leading up to Christmas, Clay prohibited me from getting in his truck. He used the excuse that unwrapped gifts were inside. Little did I know that a much bigger surprise was waiting!

On Christmas Eve, we were preparing to leave for family Christmas festivities. We had the food, gifts and dogs in the car, ready to go. When I got in the car, he told me to stay there. He closed the garage door, leaving me and our dogs in the dark garage. I could hear his truck door close and the front door open; I thought he was moving gifts inside.

He opened the door leading from the house to the garage and motioned for me to get out. When I asked why, he said he wanted to give me a Christmas present early. He handed me a gift bag that contained soft peppermint candy and a note. The note told me to go to his truck for my next clue. Another gift bag sat in the driver side floorboard. Along with coconut bon-bons and his ski mask was another note instructing me to put the mask on as a blindfold and he would lead me to the next clue.

He led me inside and positioned me beside the Christmas tree. He left me for a moment and turned on Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You." When I took off the blindfold, he had turned all the Christmas lights on and told me that my gift was on the tree.

After a few seconds of searching, I noticed two silver ornaments with writing on them. I looked at them thinking he had decorated ornaments for us. I picked one up and read the words he had written in blue craft paint. "Will you marry me?" The other ornament said "All I want for Christmas is you." He got down on one knee and said the most beautiful words he has ever spoken to me. I listened to his words through sniffles, snorts, giggles and the occasional gasp of breath. He began with the explanation that Love was born on Christmas (meaning Jesus Christ) and he thought it was only appropriate that our love take the next step at Christmas. After telling me how much he loved me and the reasons he chose me, he actually asked the big question. He began by saying he knew it was impossible for a human being to love the way Jesus did, but that he wanted to spend his life trying to love me the way Jesus loves His bride, the church. How could any woman refuse that?

Through my [many, many, many] tears, I answered "Of course I will" when he asked me to be his bride.

Note regarding picture above: the paint was still wet when I handed the ornaments back to him so he could put the ring on my finger. The ornament landed on the tree skirt, where Bailey had made a pallet. I think the hair just adds character. :)